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September 22, 2010

Clear and Present Living

It’s a lot easier to hide behind the Facebook curtain.

by Beatrice Rusu

There has been a lot said and written recently about how relationships are changing in our society with the advent of social networking, specifically Facebook. Most of the speakers and writers focus on how we are connected to many more people (almost everyone you’ve ever known) but that these connections are superficial leading to more loneliness than ever. It sounds true. And it feels true.

This got me thinking about deep, nourishing friendships, and it made me realize that it’s easier for most of us to have fleeting contact in the form of a “like” or a wall post on Facebook with an old friend from junior high than it is to reach out, develop and sustain true friendships in the place and time where we are.

I grew up as a missionary kid and have lived in three countries, so my friends from the various stages in my life are distinct—and for the most part distant geographically from my current life. It’s easy to hide in the closeness of past friendships instead of seeking to build community where I am. Sometimes I catch myself using the excuse that my close friends just don’t live around here. But you can’t cultivate deep friendships on phone calls and emails alone. They’re too easy to block when you’re discouraged and depressed or struggling through a particular sin. And email lets you edit your life to maintain whatever image you choose to present. You need friends and community in the here and now to be physically present, to encourage you, to hold you accountable.

God knows that we need the tangible, a presence. After all he instructed the Israelites to build a tabernacle that would represent his presence with them through their travels. Once they settled in Israel, Solomon was given the honor of building a house for the Lord, the temple. God also repeatedly sent his word through prophets to encourage and rebuke his people. And best of all, Jesus came and dwelt among men so that we could see the glory of the One and Only (John 1:14).

So I’m stepping out from behind the Facebook curtain to find women in my life who will encourage me and grow with me and for whom I can do the same. It takes more work and requires me to be vulnerable and open. But God provides for all of our needs, including the relational ones. Ultimately, he is a relational God who is present, and as his children, we need to imitate him (Ephesians 5:1).

What about you? How can you step out and connect with the people God has placed in your life right now?

Comments

Well, this was very convicting. As a SAHM, I often find myself thinking that things like email, FB, and social media are helping me stay more connected and providing me with a sense of community. But, at the end of the day, I still feel somewhat lonely unless I have had face-to-face interaction with real people. So, I think your point that we need connection with the people around us (geographically and emotionally), is spot on. It absolutely requires more time, work, and risk, but I think scripture calls us to "love deeply" wherever we are. Thanks for the reminder.

This may seem silly, but I've experienced a deep transformation in my friendships once I started a "walk to school" campaign. All the moms gather at 8:00 and we walk a mile to school with our children. We talk the whole time, drinking coffee, sometimes praying, and just connecting on a walk. It's changed my life! And they are my neighbors, so I know that God has supernaturally placed us together (Acts 17). 2 of them have started coming to church.

I totally agree with Hollie that this was convicting! I find that I use facebook and emailing even to hide from phone calls! It's just so much easier to hide behind the curtain, as you call it, but it really isn't how Christ wants us to live and treat each other. Thanks for another real and relatable post, Beatrice!

I am very convicted as well! However I find this very hard to do some times since my husband is in the Military and we move just about every 2 years we bearly there when it's time to leave again! However I feel social networking helps remind us to pick up the phone and call those we love more often and not let it ba a substatude for real connectins. Please pray for me for I have reallt founf myself in a lonely place at the present time also! So appreciate you sharing!!!! God Bless

I've recently become painfully aware of how I need to make room in my life for friends and become more vulnerable. That's the hard part, but it's much needed. I'm changing in small ways--making small talk with people when I wouild normally just walk by, smiling, taking time to listen and being more personable rather than all about business. Over time, friendships will develop, but I'm starting small and in ways that seem natural rather than forced.

I've even found myself being more conversational on Facebook; striking up chit-chatty conversations with people who I normally wouldn't do that with; people with whom I interact in the real world. Sometimes doing this can be an entree to opening up common interests and can get us to come from behind the veil.

Very true that the feeing of loneliness still here inspite of new ways of communication. I think we are all guilty of not picking up the phone or spend time with a friend face to face. Thanks for the reminder! May the Lord continue to use you as you write!

I de-activated Facebook permanently about a week ago. My son has an online business so I'm not totally against it but, for me, it was just too upsetting. I found out on Facebook that my sister (we're close) is an Atheist; also my niece. I also found out that while the family weren't getting much communication from my sister (we live thousands of miles apart) she was finding time to put things on Facebook. It really hurt so I've decided to get rid of Facebook permanently. I'm an expat. so I do appreciate how important it is for some people but for me, right now, it's just too upsetting. Praying for you Monica and hope that your loneliness will soon be healed by God.

Thanks so much for this blog! This passed week I decided to get off of Facebook because it was becoming way to habitual in my daily routine. I want to spend more time really getting to know the people God has put in my life. Thanks for the encouragement!

I love Facebook, my husband & I've both finally gottten close to cousins we've "known" for 40+ years! Also a way for us girls at church to really know what's going on in each others lives & encourage each other-more than the usual "Hi, how's it going? Good, you?" As long as it's not a substitute for face to face people, but a stepping stone! I am blessed by it! :)

I try to open my FB account as often as possible since I am busy as a housewife. For a feeling that many if not most of my friends seem to have forgotten me, I found FB as a means of being given the importance as a ffiend and when someone click LIKE on my psots, it makes me feel more wanted if not important. It's hard enough to really reach out to some people you know and somehow can relate suddenly on facebook with people whom I am not even close to. It cures loneliness as an individual who is struggling with multiple family problems. FB has become my means of an outlet and therapy for my depressions and stressing situations. But this is a good blog because it also give me an awareness of what's real and permanent and unreal and tempoary. Thanks for sending me this message.

Beatrice-
Thank you for your post! That is something that is so true...close friends are often far away and we need to live in the present & not always rely on the friends we had...but seek deeper relationships with the people in our lives now.
Your reader from Nagoya, Japan. :)

I enjoyed reading this inspiring and nice lesson in healthy living. In my life as in my ministry I see it is very important to sustain old friendships and develop new ones all the time. And even if stepping out to make friends is costly, I can say wholeheartedly that it is worthwhile. It is a delightful and engaging article.

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