Kyria's Gifted for Leadership

Comments

It's interesting that you brought up this subject in your post. Regarding 7-9th graders in confirmation class and their presence in class (physically only)solely because it's expected, we've discussed in detail how low the bar has been set. The general feeling was they would only rise to the height of that bar. We're not expecting much and they are not delivering much. I'm not sure how that all fits together, but thank you for making us think.

Posted By: Ivy Gauvin | May 15, 2007 6:41 AM

This was an interesting perspective. I've always had pretty high expectations from others too - from my husband, my friends/family, from subordinates, etc.

However in the past several years I have changed somewhat in that I have shifted my high expectations off of the people and onto God. By lowering the bar as to what I expect from people and placing (or trying to, in some cases) my expectations on God instead, I've eased much of my frustrations.

Thanks for making me think this morning and reminding me again of this today. :)

Posted By: Janna Rust | May 15, 2007 6:43 AM

I am in total agreement with the writer of this article. I have practiced this for sometime and when I let my guard down and raise those expectations, I end up being frustrated. It is a very fine line to walk, but when I realize that not everyone is going to meet my expecations, than I can do things knowing that God is in control no matter what and he will see through what ever circumstance I am going through.

Posted By: Maria Ferrer | May 15, 2007 8:59 AM

The issue here seems to be one of balance: balance between fairness and generous-spiritedness to others on one hand, believing in the capabilities of others. A teacher lowing expectations on his/her students too much does them a disservice and encourages mediocrity; Caryn not expecting prompt email replies back from team members is realistic and helpful. Not an easy line to walk, but a godly one... one modeled by Jesus with his "mercy, not judgement" but also "steward your talents well or the master will be disappointed."
Great post Caryn.

Posted By: susan | May 15, 2007 8:31 PM

Are guys allowed to post? I'm not sure what the expectation is. Reading Caryn's blog, I realized I could use more of a Danish attitude when I'm driving to work. I expect folks to stop at a red light and not cut in line near the front when there are 27 of us lined up for a block and a half to use the left-turn lane up ahead. The more I think about it, though, Hamlet was Prince of Denmark and he was no day at the beach. And how about Yorick? A world-class sad sack. Alas, poor Yorick. It's not, Hey, party-guy Yorick! And don't get me started on Kierkegaard. Meanwhile, back to my point. Tomorrow when I'm headed to work I'll be so Danish that I'll be smiling and waving at anyone who makes even a token attempt at adhering to basic traffic laws. I do wonder, however, if someone at the office offers me the extra Danish, whether I should expect much. I'm thinking not.

Posted By: Ron | May 16, 2007 11:20 AM

Great article!
I do have a question though:
Do any of you think that it is wrong to express high expectations of people under your leadership but secretly have low expectations so that your disappointment has no stress effects?
For example as a teacher I always expressed to my students expectations of excellence but I always had a backup plan incase they didn't meet even the smallest of my expectations.
Would any of you consider that hypocritical or a paradox?
(By the way Ron I love what you posted but actually it is "Hey, party-guy Yorick!" Hamlet was talking to the remains of Yorick the court jester a "man of infinite jest". The "Alas, poor Yorick." was referring to the fact that Yorick was indeed, dead. Sorry for being a wet blanket)

Posted By: Siska | May 16, 2007 6:04 PM

I agree that it is unhealthy for us to place high expectations on others...if those expectations are to meet our own needs- whether physical, emotional or spiritual.
But, it's been proven that people, particularly young people, tend to rise to the level of the expectations of their parents, teachers, etc. And where leadership is concerned, I think we can best honor those we lead when we expect them to live up to their commitments - to God, to their families, to the community, etc. Not legalism. Not the sort of expectations that put a burden on those we serve - but simply holding an expectation that they will fulfill their commitments with integrity. By doing so we encourage each other to keep growing in Christ-likeness.

Posted By: Lori | May 16, 2007 10:14 PM

I appreciate this comment however perhaps life in Denmark is easier in terms of monetary factors.Sociocultural factors do make a difference in all ways. This may be a major reason societies are so differennt? I think some societies put too much of a concentration on money and don't beleive in sharing their wealths.Your statement should be sent to other places so others can see that happiness does not come from the the all mighty dollar. Thankyou for your writing.

Posted By: michelle | May 17, 2007 1:58 AM

First Caryn, I would like to say that I don't think it's so much that the Danes have low expectations as the fact that they accept what they have and are probably more thankful. I have found that if I just accept what GOD has given me and look to him for the proper guidance in my endeavors and pursuits I am normally very pleased. It's about setting realistic goals for yourself and others. We need to strive harder to help people be successful and encourage others to pursue things they would like to have, but we must remember it also has to be in line with our Faith and with what GOD would want for us. Sometimes we get caught up in what we think we should have or better yet envious of what someone else has accomplished. Instead we should be happy for that person and thankful that we have whatever GOD has blessed us with and as we become better stewards of those gifts he will elevate you to the next level. Also happiness does not come from having more or the best of things, it comes from within. It is a gift that has been given to us by the Holy Spirit and we need to cherish that joy or happiness. We need to share it with others. There is nothing wrong with having high expectations, we just need to be realistic about what we can achieve through the gifts GOD has given us.

Posted By: Billie | May 19, 2007 12:32 PM

'Hope for the best, expect the worst' at work, right?

Except I wonder whether after a while, others will figure out that I in fact have very low expectations and aim even lower.

And do know that those I expect the least of in the workplace tend to meet my expectations consistently. It's almost as though they've read my mind in this regard and learned not to disappoint me.

Also, do you think this is God's posture? Because I sense, and perhaps it's only me, but I sense high expectations from him all the time, even though I flop all the time.

Posted By: R | May 21, 2007 10:10 AM

I agree completely with the idea of low expectations for what we hope to have happen to us, as Caryn shared in her post, (a lesson I've learned the hard way) but I think we need high expectations of those we are working with. One of my favorite things to do when I'm discipling someone is to imagine her a missionary, influencing the world for Christ. So how do I handle it when she can't even tell her boss that she is a Christian? I realize that it's not about me. It doesn't reflect on me that she can't make the next step - it's between her and God. So my expectations for the person I am leading is high, but the expectations I have for getting the glory for her transformed life is low.

Posted By: JoHannah | May 25, 2007 9:35 AM

Very interesting idea...but I struggle to lower my expectations of my coworkers. I feel that if I stop caring that they are often late on projects, it will be like agreeing that it's okay for them to be late. What do you think?

Posted By: anon | May 25, 2007 9:36 PM

I can't help but feel you all need to see the movie "Facing the Giants" and then examine the issue again. Where would Coach Taylor's team have ended up with low expectations put upon them?

Posted By: Laurie | May 28, 2007 11:01 AM

I think as leaders it is our job to equip our volunteers to do their jobs successfully. We should also provide them with the tools necessary to get the job done.Expressing our confidence in their abilities, especially when attempting new tasks, is helpful. Volunteers will often perform better and be happier if we do a better job of leading and provide a comfortable non-threatening environment. The volunteer of co-worker needs to be made to feel that their work will be acceptable.

Posted By: Alice | May 29, 2007 6:42 PM

Perhaps it might help to make some distinctions:
When the matter refers to my ego (gifts, recognition, appreciation), it is healthy to keep my expectations low.
When the matter refers to openness to the gifts of the Holy Spirit (students gaining wisdom and knowledge, for example, or even for my own growth in courage and patience), it is healthy to expect a lot but roll with the realities.
When it comes to variables like weather, traffic, and the availability of the book I want at the library, the thing to do is to detach from all expectations and be ready to thank God in all circumstances.
But when it comes to the grace, the providence, the forgiveness and the sense of humor of God, there need be no upper limit to expectations.

Posted By: Kathleen Miller | June 2, 2007 1:07 PM

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