Kyria's Gifted for Leadership

Comments

Thank you, Marshall! We certainly want to watch ourselves and refrain from becoming whiners and self-focused.

Posted By: Melissa Baldwin | February 11, 2008 5:01 PM

Is it possible that the very things that seem to define us separate us? Gender, color or race, social economic place, age, interests and preferences?
Yet, the Word tells us the "In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female..."
Is it possible that if we defined ourselves by Who we are "In Christ" and not by these other criteria that we would understand and accept differences, adjust and reach out to one another and not be so lonely?

Is it possible that we are all coming to church for what we can personally receive rather than to worship God? Is is really all about us -- our positions of power, our needs, wants and preferences?

We are the church -- a living, growing, dynamic organism created to bring Him glory through the transformation of our lives into His image.

"We make up the body of Christ and belong to one another" according to Romans 12:4. Is it possible that we all need to define ourselves according to what it means to be a functioning part of the living body of Christ rather than by the things that divide us? What might that look like in the church today? How might it change the way we do church?

What are we trying to fit into? People's preconceived ideas of what we should be according to these criteria? Under the blood we all fit in, don't we? The blood erases the shame that causes people to hide, wear masks and pretend.

Jesus was a man and was relational. Jesus reached out to women to include and honor them; He reached out to the poor and could communicate with the rich and religious. Young and old alike followed Him.

Is it possible that when we all become more like Christ instead of playing church we will all fit in better?

Posted By: Angela C | February 11, 2008 10:09 PM

Marshall, thank you - I think you are onto something. I feel it too.

I'm thinking that we (perhaps those of us under a certain age) define ourselves differently than we used to. By "tribe" (gender, age, political affiliation, weather we shop at the food coop, etc) rather than just as part of (or outside of) a mainstream. Maybe I'm just imagining a mythical past (before the automobile) that didn't exist?

Whatever the history, I think that
1) it's more important to focus on what we have in common (and that includes politics)
2) I think men need to quit being left out at the relationship skills table and figure out how to claim a better life.

Posted By: Christopher Parker | February 12, 2008 4:59 PM

Very good point. Thanks Marshall. Perhaps it relates to the "felt needs" focus of so many churches? Too much focus on ourselves and what makes me feel good rather than focus on others and community?

Problems connecting deeply in relationships seems to afflict many churches (especially large ones). It might help, even if only a little, if we got rid of all the lines we purposely draw. We are experts on segregation--the young married here, the junior highers over there, the singles here, the senior citizens over in their own sunday school group, etc, etc. No wonder we feel alienated from each other. The issue is deeper than that of course, but its certainly a contributor.

Posted By: Karen K | February 12, 2008 6:09 PM

I appreciate and resonate with these comments.

One of the places where I unexpectedly felt "I fit in" was a place where I didn't expect to fit in, and therefore didn't enter with an assumption that I should be "in."

I was teaching a group of writers and editors in Bulgaria, of all places, and most spoke only Romanian or Russian or Ukrainian, and I'm limited to English. All our communication took place either nonverbally or through a translator.

At the end of that week, the spirit was such that we all clearly were aware of our shared mission in the world to present Christ through magazine publishing. We all "fit" even though we didn't even speak the same language.

I do think that our "fitting in" needs to be on the basis of something other than demographics or, in American culture, our shared market segmentation. Can we find our "fit" in Christ?

Posted By: Marshall | February 13, 2008 5:58 PM

Mom always said; In seeking a spouse it's all about being the right person, not even half about finding the right person. The same is true in Church relationships. If we are seeking others who are like us, we're always going to be lonely. If we are seeking to be Christ to others, love and community will abound.

Those who suggest an "other" focus rather than "self" focus hit the nail on the head. I stopped thinking about where I fit in (it had been an obsession) when I volunteered with others from my congregation to serve a meal at a homeless shelter. We--old, young, married, white, asian--represented Christ that night, and we got along famously!

That experience started me on a road that now has me living with my family in Papua, Indonesia, working full-time in missions. I would no way have become a missionary if I had kept my focus (and it was my focus for a long time) on "Where do I fit in?" A healthy Christian focus asks "Where can I serve?"

Perhaps loneliness is a God-installed alarm system that should remind us that we're focused on the wrong person. I think it was for me. Focus on Christ and how best to get out of his way in our own lives--it's the surest cure to loneliness and a lot of other churchly ills. How can this become a message that the church is ready to listen to? Or, how can the church make this truth clear without alienating those it's attracted through "felt needs" ministering. When I came to church, it was Jesus I felt I needed.

Posted By: Nan | February 14, 2008 9:31 PM

In my opinion, the "trend", if you can call it that, of people "not fitting in" at church is a symptom of the consumerist mindset that plagues the church today as well as society in general. Some people tend to view church with the same expectations they would have when joining a club or a social group, in that they will find other members in attendance who are much like themselves, with shared expectations. If individuals have participated in such a club or group before, in some other place or time, they arrive with a set of fixed notions about how they think it should be, or perhaps how it used to be, and these ideas shape their expectations. Consumers focus on what they will get and then measure the worth of what they have or have not received. Few people today seem to intentionally enter the church with a mind set towards giving.

There is an irony that exists in giving. Actually, it is one of those kingdom principles that one cannot necessarily explain, “Give, and it will come back to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you." (Luke 6:38)

In the first century church we find that the believers were together and had all things in common…and they gave (Acts 2: 44-45)! The diversity of the first century churches (Greeks, Romans, Jews, slaves, freemen, women and children) had to be at least as diverse as what we experience in our churches today, yet they joined together to eat, fellowship, and praise God daily. They gave to one another, as any had need and God added to their number. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of a church like that! I dare say, we would all fit in!

Because we have become a culture of individualists who use personal computers and personal listening devices, the task before the church today is to teach people how to be in community with on another, and how to give unselfishly without any expectation of receiving anything in return. But many people today are afraid of being taken advantage of, afraid of getting hurt and afraid to give. That is why the church is supposed to be different from the world; that is why the Christian is to trust God to meet their needs. And who does God usually use to meet our needs? Other people! When a Christian gives, motivated by their love for God, it won’t matter whether they get anything in return or not and that attitude toward giving lets everyone else and the church off of the “this didn’t meet my expectations” hook. Personally, any time I have taken this attitude toward giving, I have always received so much more than I have given. It’s just a God principle that never fails.

There is an old slogan which may be a bit corny, but I think expresses my point. “There is no “I” in “church”. The central focus at chUrch needs to be “U”.

Posted By: Tammie | February 15, 2008 11:26 AM

Why don't we all fit? We all may come to gather at the same place on Sundays, but we all walk in the doors with totally different pasts.
I think it is often our past that make us feel out of place in our present.

Posted By: HEATHER PALACIOS | February 17, 2008 8:01 PM

It is a problem that is prevelant in most churches. How we forget that we have an enemy who wants us to focus on self, feel isolated, alone and insecure. It is only when we turn our focus on the Lord and give of ourselves to others, that we ourselves feel loved and accepted. We must remember that we are accepted in the beloved and He is not ashamed to call us brethren (Heb 2:11.) We are a feelings oriented people rather than a faith activated people. We need to begin to believe what God's Word says about ut then go about living out of that, giving ourselves to others. When we focus on making others feel accepted and important, it is amazing what takes place within us and our cirlce of influence.

Posted By: Brenda | February 18, 2008 11:52 AM

Your egos will never be happy. And they are getting in the way of relating to each other.

Posted By: Mark Rovell | February 18, 2008 4:19 PM

I don't fit in at my church because my church does not allow women to serve as deacons, but we can preach to people darker than us, in another country, or in the poor districts of our cities. We celebrate each missionary. Our church has had 5 young women become missionaries in the past ten years and no young man has come forward as a missionary. But those same women cannot come home to their church and serve the Lord's Supper. Our church has a modern thinking pastor, is certainly moderate in his thinking. So, no I don't fit in. I look at all the gray haired men serving and wonder what the women in the congregation are thinking. Do they think this is right? God didn't make me inferior to men. Society has done that.

Posted By: Shirley | February 20, 2008 12:46 PM

Post a comment:

Name:

Email Address:

URL:

Remember Me?

Comments: (you may use HTML tags for style)

Verification (needed to reduce spam):

The Longings of a New Generation of Women

Bra Straps, Battery Packs, and Other Divine Accoutrements

The Surprising Cure for Lonely Leaders

The Resurrection of Ministry