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September 16, 2008Recovering the Blessed Alliance
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"It's awkward and uncomfortable - like a three-legged race. I'll have to learn to walk all over again."
I nearly fell out of my chair! Frank managed an uneasy smile. We were drinking coffee with a young friend who, in an unguarded moment, was talking with disturbing pessimism about his impending marriage. Neither Frank nor I thought of marriage as a three-legged race. For us it was more like a sprint. Astonishment turned to sadness over this young man's dismally low expectations of what a male/female relationship might promise.
Happily, not every prospective groom shares this gloomy perspective. However, his attitude points to a reality that not only characterizes a lot of Christian marriages, it spills over into working relationships between women and men in other venues. Even in Christian circles - even on ministry leadership teams - we joke uneasily about the "battle of the sexes" because, truth be told, even here relationships between the sexes can be as awkward and cumbersome as a three-legged race - or worse.
Whatever happened to the sure-footed alliance the Bible envisions?
In the days before Synergy, I was dumbfounded by the number of successful women in leadership who confided to me the difficulties they were experiencing in working relationships with men they respected on their ministry teams. More often than not, they were enjoying opportunities other women only dream about. And the men with whom they struggled were sometimes the very ones who had opened doors for them.
Still, something was wrong.
One woman discovered to her dismay that she was the only church staff member excluded from a private male-only staff meeting to develop strategies for the ministry, including her department. Another ministry leader found her female voice didn't carry the same weight as the men around the table. Her ideas were largely ignored unless a man repeated them.
And here is the real kicker. Difficulties were surfacing in both conservative and progressive contexts. Remarkably, it didn't seem to matter what the formal stance was on the role of women in ministry. Even the most progressive ministries still found themselves struggling to find the right balance for women and men to work effectively together. The real problem is not primarily about how far a woman can advance in a given organization, but is bound up in something deeper that is impacting everyone.
If, like the pessimistic groom, the best we can hope for is to adjust to the three-legged nature of our relationships, have we set our sights too low? Doesn't the Gospel take male/female relationships to a completely different level?
When "God created the heavens and the earth," he had a world-wide kingdom in mind. His key strategy for building that kingdom centered on his image bearers - male and female. Their shared mission was to represent him and to advance his kingdom over every square inch of this planet. And he called them to build it together.
He couldn't have been clearer about the makeup of this team than when he made the unqualified statement, "It is not good for the man to be alone," and created a woman as the resolution to that problem. Put more starkly, God's strategy is not primarily for men to work with men, or women to work with women, but for a blessed alliance in which his sons and daughters band together as warriors for his purposes.
God put his stamp of approval on this strategic partnership when he blessed them and commissioned them together with their global mandate (Genesis 1:28).
Sin broke up the Blessed Alliance. Jesus brings it back. He calls his followers - male and female - to be one body where every member is vital to the health and strength of the whole.
At Synergy, we embrace God's creation vision for men and women to serve him together. We aren't settling for any awkward, hobbling three-legged race. Our sights are set higher than maintaining a delicate balance by determining who does what and when and where. We want to recover this Blessed Alliance in our ministry relationships - where men and women are sprinting forward together to fulfill God's calling on their lives.
Mark your calendar - March 6-8, 2009 - and plan to join us at Synergy! Our brothers are coming too, and we hope you'll invite your male colleagues as we collaborate on ways to recover the Blessed Alliance.
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Comments
I am the leader of our Women's group at my church. I am having problems with getting people excited to come to the meetings. Am I alone in this? people say they are too busy with their families, work etc to come. i need some encouragment about this
thank you
Posted By: Leslie Short | September 19, 2008 1:30 PM
It's sad that the area of male/female relationships is one where the church is lagging behind society. The church should be leading society in this area, not the other way around. There are still plenty of struggles for women in secular businesses, but I honestly think women are treated better in secular businesses than in Christian ones or in the church. Actually, many non-Christian men show women more true respect than many Christian men do, but that's a whole 'nother topic.
Posted By: K. | September 19, 2008 4:16 PM
Leslie--Many are seeing the same trends you describe. We're addressing this question at Synergy2009. One of our forums will be an open discussion of the future of women's ministry, given how women's lives are changing. Come to Synergy and join this discussion.
K--I couldn't agree more. The church should be modeling strong male/female relationships, instead of lagging behind the corporate world. Part of the problem, it seems to me, is that we don't have a clear vision of how central strong male/female relationships are to God's purposes for the world. At Synergy, we hope to make a difference on this vital issue.
Posted By: Carolyn Custis James | September 20, 2008 10:07 PM
Dear Leslie:
Our Ladies leader has the same feelings and worries. She never knows who is going to show up but people do. Her main concern is getting people outside the core group to attend. Just keep praying that God would bring your ladies together. We (by accident) started doing little pow wows after Bible Studies with a few ladies. Each one of us gather and relay our concerns for the week (5 minutes). We all pray and we pray for each other every day. It is very casual but it keeps us connected and builds our faith. God always provides. God is with you! Don't give up! Keep putting forth a positive attitude and keep smiling. Show those women (who aren't joining in) that you truly care about them and that you miss them. Each lady brings a special element of connection to each gathering. Keep praying and believing.
Blessings to all the Ladies on this blog!
Posted By: Linda | September 21, 2008 8:57 PM
I agree that women are often treated with less prejudice in secular circles. Men are perfectly able to work alongside women and have equal, productive relationships outside of the church. Why is this? Perhaps it's because men who were not raised in the church were not taught (directly or indirectly) that women are inferior to men. It never occurs to them that a woman isn't just as capable as they are. They are shocked and bewildered to find out that women are marginalized in Christian churches. I've found this to be true over and over. Perhaps the church needs to reexamine the messages it is sending about the worth and capabilities of women.
Posted By: Robyn | September 22, 2008 12:49 PM
What Robyn said is so true. This is a serious problem: that men in the church treat women worse than men outside of the church.
Posted By: Patricia | September 23, 2008 9:40 AM
Men in the church treat us worse because of those verses: 1 Corinthians 14:34 and 1 Tim 2:12, and others. I just learned about "ezer" yesterday. This resonates so thoroughly with my heart. About 2 years ago I realized that Satan has a great plan going, wipe out half of God's army by silencing women. But I believe in the inspired, inerrancy of scripture. What do I do with those verses? Are they cultural like women having their heads covered? Why didn't Jesus pick women apostles and why does Paul say an elder has to be a man? Help! Thanks.
Posted By: Dona | October 1, 2008 5:53 PM
Hey Dona. Yes, scripture is inerrant and God-inspired. Interpretation of that scripture though, is where error comes in. It's really important that Christians know about the culture of the times, the culture of Israel and of the early churches. This goes a long way to help understand the difficult verses. For example, in Israel of Christ's time, women were for baby-making, housekeeping, and sex. Christ couldn't have had women as part of the Twelve because had he done so, society would have been horrified and would not have taken his message seriously. It was radical enough that he chose a woman to be the first to tell of his resurrection because women couldn't even testify in court or be educated (thus Paul's command in I Timothy that women must learn - must learn!).
Anyway, I could go on and on, but there are a lot of great books that go into the culture and put these verses back into the context of the culture and of the New Testament overall: What Paul Really Meant about Women (John Temple Bristow), Good News for Women (Rebecca Merrill Groothius), 10 Lies the Church Tells Women and 25 Tough Questions about Women and the Church (both by J. Lee Grady).
Hope this helps!
Posted By: Patricia | October 5, 2008 12:34 PM
I have been so sad to read how the Christian women are treated worse in the church. I have the same feeling too. I was saved 12 years and was so glad that God has freed me from the bondage of my sin and my past! However, I did not realize that the church has put me back into a bondage they have put on women until I tried to serve Him more... It is a shame that the church is lagging behind the society in freeing women! How sad Jesus must be if we see Him now! I bet He will criticize those male-centered churches the same way as he did to the Pharasees!
Posted By: Frances | October 9, 2008 6:25 PM