Lunching with the 'Blessed Alliance'

It's lunchtime at my local Panera. I'm here slurping French onion soup and conducting a sociological experiment at this popular lunch spot for the business set. Okay, so maybe it's more "eavesdropping on the people around me while my husband wraps up his phone call" than a scientific experiment, but still. I'm noticing something interesting: the differences in the way men and women do business lunches.

Two tables over we've got two men. Their lunch trays are pushed to the side, and they've each got their legal tablets out in front of them. The older one is talking ("Here's what you need to do?.") as his fancy-looking pen flies across his tablet - drawing diagrams, underlining words, and doubling back to circle something he said earlier. It's amusing because it could not be a more stereotypic picture of the Way Men Do Business Lunches if I pulled it out of my brain.

Behind my husband, we've got two women. Again, total textbook women communicating: They're leaning into one another across the table as they chat about some other (presumably annoying) person. One of them apparently said something shocking because the other just reached across the table to touch her hand and say, "No she did not!" They also have notebooks out - and a couple of agenda-looking worksheets - but they only occasionally jot something down - usually after the words, "Okay, so let's get back to?." are uttered.

Then, we've got the tables like me and my husband's - the mixed gender tables. A bit more interesting, I think. I can't stop observing (read: spying on) the way the two men and the woman next to us are doing their lunch. The men and the woman have such drastic differences in their communication and work style, body language, and notepad placement, but yet they're working in out. Of all the tables around me, they SEEM to be having the best time and being the most productive.

Of course, I could be dead wrong - and I realize I'm basing this on the far-fetched assumptions and some pretty unreliable data (at least according to my husband who caught me snooping and is now rolling his eyes at me!). And I don't mean to detract from the power of women working with just women, or men with men. Nor do I want to imply anything is wrong with the way two men lunch or two women do lunch or business or communicate (each has their strengths and weaknesses).

But when men and women lunch or work or minister together well, you see in action what Carolyn Custis James has dubbed "The Blessed Alliance." You get a picture of what God intended in the Garden when he looked at man and said (and I'm paraphrasing), "Hey, it's not good for you to be alone!" While bunches of reasons went into why it wasn't good for man to be alone, one of them had to be that the image of God was only half represented. It's harder to see God or to understand God if you only see or only understand (or communicate or lunch with) men or women.

We need each other to reflect his image most fully. And because of that, when we do things together - each of us bringing the best of our genders to honor the God who made us so different and yet so compatible - exciting things can happen.

But of course men and women don't always lunch or work or minister or live together well. Since the time of Adam and Eve this "alliance" has hit a few snags, to say the least. Snags that each of us have experienced in our work life, ministry life, or even home life. Snags that sometimes blur our understanding of the wonderful working relationship God originally intended for men and women.

One of the many reasons why I'm so excited about the Synergy conference in Orlando next weekend is that we'll be exploring this theme: "Your Relationships in the Story: Recovering the Blessed Alliance." It's not too late for you to join us. (For more information, click here.)

But in the meantime, I'd love to hear your experiences of working with men and handling differences in communication and work styles. What are your good experiences? What are the bad?

Hope to see you at in Orlando!

Renewing the View of You

Three months ago, I learned a new word. I think. Honestly, the meaning is still vague, but when a conference speaker sketched a simple box with four quadrants that she called a rubric, it struck a nerve. It's an assessment that shows how well we meet our standards. If your dot is plotted in the upper right box (the higher the better) your assessment matches the standard; your confidence soars, and you're queen for the day. The opposite is true if you land in the lower left quadrant (the lower the worse), leaving a sinking feeling of failure that permeates pretty much every aspect of your life.

As she spoke, my mind drifted. A mental checklist - not as a leader, but as a woman - overtook my thoughts. The musing went something like this:

The day starts at 6 a.m. with a calorie-disintegrating spin class, a liter of water, and a protein shake. Lunch is a salad and another eight ounces. By seven, my favorite pair of jeans and fitted black turtleneck slip on flawlessly, a good hair day gets better and with a dab of lip gloss, I can't wait to cozy up in a dark booth and enjoy the intimacy of a night with the girls. For a reason I can't define, but also can't deny, these evenings are made sweeter when I like how I look. This is a magic, upper-right-hand-quadrant kind of night. The standards are high, but my assessment's a near match.

And then the rubric makes a violent shift.

When I arrive, I see a woman I don't recognize - a friend of a friend whose striking appearance dampens my mood. It isn't until charm and intellect exceed her beauty that I actually start to hate her. Only it's not her I hate, it's me. My mirror morphs into carnival glass, and in an instant, I'm freefalling to the lower left side of the rubric, hanging on by the skin under my nails. I have to resist the urge to let go.

Driving home, the real self-loathing begins. Not because I didn't measure up (although, I fleetingly imagine plastic surgery to be a justifiable option), but because I know better. I know that comparison is a black hole of inadequacy, that there is not a more beautiful identity than fearfully and wonderfully made, that being bought at a price is the greatest expression of worth the world has ever known. I know that Jesus sacrificed so that the standard for which I intrinsically strive would be erased as a gift of grace, and his ultimate assessment of me will be couched in merciful, unconditional love.

And yet it never ceases to amaze me how we - smart, capable women - screw this up.
So this is the part where I present the seven steps that make you fall unconditionally in love with your flaw-filled image, right? I hate to disappoint, but my conclusion is fairly anti-climatic, one that reminds me of a newscast that boasts a revolutionary breakthrough in weight loss: eat less and exercise more. Hmm, well, we kind of already knew that.

In The Rabbi's Heartbeat, Brennan Manning says, "Define yourself as one radically loved by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life."

I'm pretty sure we already knew that too.

In a world full of impossible standards, renewing our mind proves difficult when the refresh button is only a click away. But when we choose to be transformed by the Truth, those lower left days won't send us tumbling into darkness. Maybe, instead, they go something like this:

At 6 a.m. I turn off the alarm and let the calories accumulate on my warm, flannel sheets. Breakfast is coffee, and lunch the nearest drive-thru. Gray shows through hair that hasn't been colored in six months and my jeans are tight. I sit in a booth with friends, unconscious of anything but the community of his beloved, and when the new girl makes a joke, I laugh - and I mean it. I cheer silently because my rubric was left behind for the night. Then I pray I won't find it for a few more days, a few more weeks, until one day, the transformation is complete and I forget I ever learned what a rubric was in the first place.

Food For Thought

Did I ever wonder if I could make a dent in an issue as big as AIDS? Of course! But the day I read that article on Africa, I had my own Damascus Road experience. I was blinded by a reality outside my own. After that, I went to sleep thinking about those 12 million children; I woke up thinking about them. The Lord and I began this internal dialogue. I said, This just can't be true. Because if it were, then I'd have to do something about it. But there's nothing I can do!

After a month, I realized I had to decide either to go on with my plans or to let my heart become engaged. I sensed I couldn't face God when he asked me, "What did you do about those 12 million children I told you about?" How could I possibly respond, "Oh, that was so sad. But I had so many other good things on my agenda. I'm really sorry I wasn't able to get around to that. I hope that's OK"? The truth is, it wasn't OK - not for me, not for anybody. I decided to get involved. That's when God shattered my heart into a million pieces, and I became what I call a "seriously disturbed" woman.

Does 'Complementarian' Equal Anemic Women's Ministry?

In 2007, Amy Simpson wrote "Why I Don't Do Women's Ministry," citing the reasons for her struggle to fit in an essentially shallow church culture. She may have surprised a few readers, but clearly she spoke the heart of a silent, yet critical mass of women in the church.

These are women who want to fulfill the Titus 2 mandate, to mentor and minister to other women, who want to play a significant role in Christian education, but also want to escape the culture of women's ministry that they inherited from their grandmothers. They want a more substantive interaction with the women they lead, because they know that time is a priceless commodity and they want to make the most out of every opportunity. They are tired of women's ministry being the equivalent of event planning, and they want their "relationship with Jesus" to be more than an inner-circle catchphrase that accompanies the obligatory secret hug (because secret handshakes don't exist in women's ministry).

For these women, community encompasses more than fellowship around a meal or taking care of each other in a time of crisis. They want to know Jesus through the Scriptures in the deepest possible way, and they want the tools to do it. They want to think "Christianly" about every area of life, proactively thinking about how to contend with the issues women face instead of reacting to them when they surface.

Through the providence of God, I recently met a young woman on the train-ride home from work. It's amazing who you can meet on the train because of the book they are reading. How many people would you expect to see commuting with Sarah Sumner's Men and Women in the Church? As soon as I saw that, needless to say, a conversation ensued between me and Amanda. It was so thrilling to know I could talk about theology with a woman on my hour-and-a-half ride home.

Amanda is around 22 years old and a student of theology at a local Bible college. She talked to me about how her love for God drives her to want to know more about him and that she believes the church should provide college-level education for people to learn proper methods of biblical interpretation, citing examples of how people fail to rightly divide the word. She pointed out that in the church, there is little education in this area and she would like to contribute to that kind of positive change. Sadly, women's ministry isn't even on her radar. She expressed dread of becoming that woman in church who only talks about cookie recipes and gathers only to do crafts or talk about her kids. She shared with me how she has observed the idealization of the 1950s housewife by the women's ministry culture and how this appeal fails to acknowledge the failures of that culture to the life of the mind of women and the associated abuses during this period of history.

Amanda has yet to figure out what she believes about gender roles in the church, but currently she worships in a complementarian setting without any discomfort (as I do - though I have great respect for those who disagree with this position). But the idea of becoming a leader in women's ministry is beyond the scope of her interest because of the reality of what it means.

Women's ministry has come to be known to younger women as a place where the older women to gather for "a breath of fresh air." The activities have become a retreat from everyday realities instead of source for spiritual maturation that might contribute to actually dealing with those realities. This isn't just my view of things, this is what Amanda sees. And the Amandas of the church today have the unfortunate experience of associating the complementarian perspective with the spiritual anemia among women in the church, and egalitarian as a bolder option.

Holding to a complementarian view of the church and family does not necessitate that women's ministries focus primarily on social activities, discussions how to feed their families, or fill in the blank bible studies. There is room for young women like Amanda who want to bring solid methods of biblical interpretation and theological reflection to women's lives, and we can talk about more theological topics than just biblical womanhood, though we should certainly talk about that as well. We say that our faith is deeply personal, but it cannot be lived vicariously through the faith of our husbands. This is especially important to realize since it is the case that a large segment of women who attend church are without their husband. They cannot wait for them to find Jesus before they sit at his feet to learn.

So for the Amandas in the church today, I encourage you to make yourself known and communicate your desires to minister to women if that is your calling. For those of you who are women's ministry leaders or a team member, take a closer look at the women who are not participating and ask yourself why. Obviously women are incredibly diverse and no women's ministry can meet the needs and interests of every woman, but right now, it serves primarily one woman. There must be a shift in the culture of women's ministry if it is to be a viable resource for women on their spiritual journey.

Time Well Spent

My laptop crashes to the tile, a work-at-home mother's nightmare scenario. I turn from my cutting board to see the recipe-bearing screen lying face-down on the floor. The cord, left within my 15-month old daughter's reach, had proved too enticing.

I had to replace the trashed hard drive and rebuild the laptop (serious feat for tech-rookie me). Two days, four hundred dollars, and some lost data later, I was back up and running. But it was trying to re-connect the printer back that really brought me to my knees.

Hour after hour I did battle with my HP - installing, uninstalling, rebooting - to no avail. I seethed, raged, and re-doubled my efforts. The computer crash was expensive enough; I wasn't about to fund a new printer too! But each time, same error message: "connection attempt failed." I was irate.

Here's the thing: I loathe spending time doing things that bear no result. Loathe it. Built into my psyche is the belief that I should be able to make time work to achieve my goals. When I can't, I feel robbed and violated.

So I - not technology woes - I am the real problem.

"Beginning in the fourth century, the clock made us into time-keepers, then time-savers, then time-servers," wrote Neil Postman. "In the process, we've learned irreverence toward the sun and seasons, for in a world made up of seconds and minutes, the authority of nature is superseded." And the authority of God too.

With the clock we collude to wrongly view and misuse time. Its minutes tick by; we track, plan, fill them. Time is our commodity - we own it and choose how we'll use it. But it's a lie. God owns time, not us. He gives it to us as a trust for us to steward. So we get a say but not the say in its use.

There are two ways in which we - certainly I - most often dishonor God by wrongly interacting with time.

1. My time is my own, so leave me alone. If I want to spend free time relaxing, watching TV, playing video games, online? what's it to you, or to God? They aren't sins, and relaxing in our over-stressed culture is important.
We do live in an overscheduled and hurry-ridden world, and rest is important (and even commanded). But our society is also overly indulgent and makes every conceivable pleasure readily available for unmitigated wallowing.

If time is God's, then how we use it demands consideration. How would God view our spending hours in front of the TV or poking around on Facebook each night? Such uses of time may well land us the reproach received by the servant who buried his talent in the ground instead of investing it. The master called him "wicked" and "lazy" - two descriptors I hope to avoid when I meet God face to face one day.

2. My time is God's and matters a lot, so let's get ultra-productive. So much to do! I should get more involved in ministry, invest more in relationships, read more, serve more? How can I make the day serve these goals?

We are called to use the time we're given intentionally and well. But this approach causes us to become manic about our hours, striving to bend them to serve our efforts and schedules. The attempt to subjugate and control time leaves us stressed and proud. We cease to rest in Christ and look to ourselves instead of God to order and direct our days.

As seen in the printer episode, I often fall into this camp. When my time is wasted I feel wronged. I become greedy for the time I've lost.

But what do "wasted" and "lost" mean when the time's not mine anyway? Who knows what God may be doing in times that to me appear useless? Take Paul and his months in prison. Talk about an apparent time-waster. I'm fretting over a few miserable hours hunched over my printer while he's imprisoned unjustly for years. Couldn't God have used Paul more fruitfully elsewhere? Evidently not.

In the end, we edge God out in both scenarios. The self-indulgent person is too lazy and distracted to seek God diligently. And the overly busy person's hours are too full and her mindset too fragmented to seek God diligently. Whether we let time slip idly by or do a power-grab at it - either way, we aren't keeping God at the center.

The Psalmist writes: "But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ?You are my God.' My times are in your hands." (31: 14-15) God is trustworthy. As we intentionally and willingly return our times - our days, hours, minutes - to his hands, He will ensure that, from an eternal standpoint, they are perfectly spent.

Food For Thought

When the soul is strong and we operate from a quiet center, God doesn't need a megaphone to get our attention. We can hear his whispers.

Proverbs 3:32 says that God is "intimate with the upright"; he takes them "into his confidence." The question is not whether God is speaking to us. I believe he is sending us messages all the time - through creation, through his Word, through people and events. Quoting Buechner again:

There is one thing I hope I never get over, as long as I live: the truth that the awesome Creator of the universe is choosing to speak to me - not just once in a blue moon, but most of the time! Sometimes he wants to encourage me and comfort me. Sometimes he needs to convict me about a sin I've committed and to guide me to confess. Sometimes he wants to give me an idea. Sometimes he just wants me to remember I am treasured.

I shudder to think how many messages I have missed. How mindful is your heart these days of the presence of God? Are you quick to listen? Are you attentive to his promptings? How is your hearing?

High, medium, or low?

Going Where God Wants You to Go

My grandsons, Carter and Aidan, are growing up in their young years with a surprising truth: Grandmothers drive red convertibles. Really - both of their grandmothers drive red convertibles. Mine is an awesome Mustang, and the other grandma drives a red VW bug convertible.

So why a red convertible? I've had several people ask me, "Aren't you a little old for a mid-life crisis?" But this isn't a crisis at all. It is a statement about the future. Over the years I have driven sedans, stations wagons, vans - all big and rarely a color I would prefer. Now my kids are grown and I don't have to be sensible in my car size. I love red and I love sporty and I love wind in my hair.

But my car reflects a much more important message to me. So often when women - mothers - finish their primary parenting responsibilities (we know they don't really end), and their bodies begin to betray them some, they think it is time to relax, take it easy, put their feet up. I think the opposite is true: It is time to put on my running shoes (or hop in my Mustang) and see where God wants me to go.

I believe God wants me to be a good steward of all the experiences and lessons of my life. He has more people for me to touch for Jesus, more good works he has prepared for me to do, more opportunities (with my husband!) to grow and give - and now I have the freedom and wisdom and time to do them. My car helps me go, and the going gives me energy.

Read what the other grandma says: I consider this season of life often challenging and very rewarding. The freedom resulting from fewer family responsibilities has opened many new opportunities that I would not have had time for previously. I didn't for one minute expect God to ask me to do, or even think I was capable of doing, the things he is now asking of me. The things he had prepared for me have definitely taken me out of my comfort zone. But with his help the rewards are more than I ever imagined.

For you it may not be a red convertible, or even a car. But however you get there, make sure you go. If you are at a turning point, whether it is an empty nest or just a time of transition, if you suddenly have new time and freedom, ask God what he wants you to do, what new opportunities he has for you. God has called us to be partners with him in building his kingdom. He has given each of us so much, and he is not wasteful. Pursue his best next contribution for your life and ministry! (And take those grandkids with you!)

Hope in Time of Recession

It seems like it's pretty hard to go anywhere lately without hearing talk of the current economic downturn. Even though part of my New Year's resolution was to reduce my daily intake of news, people are talking about it at church, at work, even at the little deli I shop at every morning. Christian universities have tightened budgets and implemented temporary hiring freezes. Churches and non-profits are buckling under the strain of reduced donations. According to one expert, churches alone will experience a 3 to 6 billion dollar loss in expected donations over a single quarter.

In a survey posted last month, The Barna Group reported that two out of every three families, including over 150 million adults, have already been affected by the economic downturn. By the time the economy starts to turn around, most of us will know someone affected by the recession - friends and family that have lost homes, lost jobs, lost hope. For many, what once seemed so stable was not so firm and sure after all.

The stark realities of the current economic crisis have caused me to think deeply about other kinds of recessions we face as believers - specifically the emotional and spiritual recessions that are an inevitable part of the Christian life.

A recession of the spirit can be triggered by a personal crisis such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, sickness, or difficulties in marriage or ministry or they can be the result of gradual, slow drift away from God. Either way it occurs, a recession of the spirit can leave us feeling rudderless, as if we are blindly groping for answers in a dark room.

So how do you maintain hope in a time of recession, be it financial or spiritual? In my life and ministry, three things have buoyed my spirit even in the most turbulent of times.

1. Telling the truth. Telling the truth means being honest about my circumstances, no matter how difficult it may be. It means admitting and accepting the full gravity of reality. Being transparent and honest about my situation brings down my defenses and allows God a window of opportunity in which to work.

2. Creating a list of "grates." Creating a list of "grates" is counting my blessings. Everything I am grateful for goes on that list. Everything. Like having an opportunity for advanced education, a fridge full of food, a big, fluffy duvet comforter, a strong marriage, or a healthy baby girl growing strong in my belly. When I'm faced with the list of all my blessings, I realize that most of the things I worry about never come to pass--they never even happen. And all those monsters in my mind start to shrink in comparison to the sheer greatness of the blessings and gifts I have been given.

3. Blessing others. The last thing I do is I try to figure out how to bless someone else. How would I lift their depression or help them in their time of need? What would help them feel blessed, special, and give them the sense that everything is going to be okay? This could be anything from a prayer to a good meal to a listening ear. I'll freely admit I'm not always the best on this point, but my goal is to grow better at this with time and practice.

We cannot choose whether or not we will encounter times of recession, but we can choose how we respond in those periods. As French theologian and sociologist Jacques Ellul wrote, "Hope is a firm advance toward a masked future."

Food for Thought

One thing that can damage our resilience is the mistaken notion that a good marriage equals a calm and peaceful one. In the ten years Larry and Sara had been married, five jobs, one miscarriage, five harsh financial seasons, four moves, and two adventure-filled boys had taken their toll. Not to mention the fact that they came from two different family styles:Sara's parents were divorced. Her dad had cheated on her mom multipletimes, and then abandoned the family when she was ten. Larry, on the other hand, grew up in an intact family - his parents are still together more than 40 years later.

As we talked, Larry nailed one of the great Christian misconceptions about marriage: "We had no idea how difficult marriage would be. If you listen to people at our church talk about their marriages, it would be easy to believe nobody has been through what we've experienced."

It amazes me that in this day when marriage ministries and materials are so prevalent, couples still believe a great relationship will be a peaceful one. They often feel invincible, especially in the early stages of marriage. This can lead them to deny the impact of stress and family history.

Many couples mistakenly think that loving each other means always getting along. But conflict is an inescapable part of marriage if the couple expects their relationship to grow and mature.

Bible Study and the City

One particularly summery evening last May, I headed to downtown Dallas. For me the road from my sedate suburbia to downtown entailed much more than thirty minutes of my time. It was a trip into another culture where beautiful, successful 20-somethings live, work, and love to party. Even though my well-worn NIV Study Bible sat on the seat next to me, my mind was far from memory verses or prayers. I stared down at my jeans murmuring to myself, "What were you thinking when you purchased these matronly things?" Then my eyes moved to the rearview mirror and I sat aghast at the face of a 50-year-old woman looking every wrinkle of the journey. Lastly, with a tightening in my chest I screamed, "Why did you ever agree to meet with a bunch of skinny, tan, unwrinkled 20-year-old women?"

Here's the story behind my frenzy: My 24-year-old son, Matt, dates Jill. Through their college years and now as young professionals working in Dallas, I have gotten to know Jill and her girlfriends at barbecues and birthdays. They have a close relationship, and together they adore Oprah, volunteer in the community, watch The Bachelor and have a monthly book/dinner club. Yet while most of these bright young women are Christians, most are not a part of a church family. Wondering how I might help them connect spiritually, last May I emailed Jill to see if she and her "girls" (as Matt refers to them) might be interested in meeting for a casual summer Bible study. I did not hear back for a few days, but then my inbox was flooded with unanimous reply-to-all "I'm in!" responses. We set a date. And now I found myself wending my way to our first meeting.

I had read about Generation Y, but it was a completely different experience opening the book of Philippians with them as they sat curled up on couches and floors. As I looked into their eyes and souls across bowls of M&Ms and chilled chardonnay, we debated the apostle Paul's all-or-nothing challenge to live contently even in over indulgent "Sex and the City" Dallas.

It was fascinating, heartbreaking, and also encouraging getting into their lives. Here are five things I learned:

1. Be myself. I learned to relax with the fact that I would never be 20-something again and realized that was not what these women needed anyway. Instead, they wanted to know, for example, had I ever blown it, or how had I stayed a good Christian "all these years." Most of their moms live in other towns, so I was privileged with surrogate mom/spiritual mentor status. (I have two sons, so 10 adopted daughters worked great for me.)

2. Listen. The first week I opened with, "Tell us why you are here?" They made jokes about being made to come or the hope of good food, but then Kelly and Bethany confessed being involved in Young Life and youth group in high school. They had not returned to "church" since then and missed it. When it was Katie's turn, she held up her Catholic Bible and blurted out, "I am a Bible study virgin!" Everyone burst out laughing, and it wonderfully eased the expectation that anyone was an expert and clued me into the fact that I needed to stick with the basics.

3. Be flexible. At first the girls wanted only to open our Bibles and talk about one chapter a week. Yet by the third meeting, the discussion waned and seemed to need structure. Jill asked if I could provide a few questions to guide the conversation. I ordered a book online; it enriched our discussions to the point where we often went past the time limit.

4. Provide peer support. That same summer I also attended a book discussion group with three women my age that inquired, prayed, and encouraged me as I shared about my Gen Y meetings. My friend Sharon accompanied me many weeks. It reassured me to have someone else to field questions and then debrief with on the drive home.

5. Apologize. Not a meeting went by without someone bringing up hurts or disillusionment regarding "church." At the first meeting Marina shared her attempt to attend a woman's Bible study but felt judging eyes even as she entered the room. I wept and asked for forgiveness for myself and the church at large.

I will always remember the summer Bible Study of '08. I learned that simply being available and vulnerable made up for much of my uncoolness, and that unconditional love (and a lot of laughter) goes a long way.

P.S. Wondering what the girls are doing now? They continued the Bible study this fall without me, choosing to take turns leading it themselves.

The Rested Leader---Part II

In part I of this conversation, I mentioned Jim Loehr. He was a performance psychologist who evaluated top-ranked tennis players in an effort to determine what made those who held the highest world rankings better than their lower-ranked competitors. What did they do as they played tennis that made them superior players in a highly competitive sport?

Loehr discovered that the strokes and techniques of all the players were infuriatingly similar. But eventually, he noticed that the difference lay in what the players did between points. Top performers, Loehr discovered, knew when to work hard and when to rest. Their strength lay not in the perfection of their strokes or their level of effort, but rather, in their ability to recover. The top tennis players, Loehr discovered, found rituals (the way they walked, breathing patterns, self-talk) that actually lowered their heart beat, calming them, and, in effect, allowing them to rest both physically and mentally between points. And the rest and recovery, even in the thirty to ninety seconds between points in a tennis game, is what made all the difference.

Loehr and Schwartz took what they learned from sports performance and created a "Corporate Athlete" system for improving performance on the job and in all areas of life, which is detailed in their book, The Power of Full Engagement.

Jesus himself modeled this pattern. He would engage fully in ministry of teaching, healing and so on. But then, he would take time to rest, and he invited his followers to do the same.

In Mark's gospel, we read that Jesus sent his disciples out two by two to do ministry - to heal and teach. They return, full of excitement about how effectively they were able to minister.

Many of us might say, "Great job! Keep going, don't lose momentum, strike while the iron is hot! Get back out there and win more souls!"

But Jesus doesn't do that. "The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ?Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest'" (Mark 6:30).

In other words, after the disciples had spent several days fully engaged in ministry, Jesus tells them to disengage, to rest.

In another passage, Jesus invites his followers: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest" (Matthew 11:28, The Message).

What does it mean to "recover your life"? Jesus offers us a "real rest." Which I think goes deeper than a bit of time where I "just chill." Jesus says, just come to me, and find deep soul rest. He does not necessarily ask us to become more religious. In fact, he invites us to "get away" from religious activity if it is not helpful, if it is burning us out.

In my own life, I want to learn how to take a real rest. Why? Not just because it would be nice, or I'd be happier.

I believe God has called me to his purposes, to do certain things - to be a leader in my church, my family, my neighborhood. To be compassionate, mindful and kind. If I want to live that kind of life, then I need to figure out a way to live. In order to respond with my life and actions to what I consider to be God's calling on my life, I must give my best effort. That does not mean I run without stopping. Neither does it mean that I do things sort of half-heartedly, conserving my energy.

If I never fully expend my energy, and never fully rest either, I'll never increase my capacity. Like an athlete, I have to sometimes push myself, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally as well. How? I have to forgive when I think I can't; I must choose to act loving even when it's hard. By acting loving, I become more loving. But then I also need to have times where I simply rest - times to withdraw from people and their demands, times where I allow myself to spend time with Jesus, to take him up on his invitation to "come away with me by yourself to a quiet place and get some rest" (Mark 6:31). In those moments of what I call "sacred selfishness," I let Jesus attend to my deepest needs: for quiet, for peace, for intimacy with him.

Sabbath-keeping is a spiritual practice that will help us recover our lives. It is what is missing from our hectic, hurried lives. It is the missing part of the rhythm that God designed us to live in.

To grow as a person, to experience a deeper spirituality, to grow closer to Jesus, I must find a rhythm of life that includes times of full engagement, balanced with times of complete and soul-satisfying rest. Is that even possible? What would that look like in your life?