Measuring Success

It's all about the numbers. In my line of work - program consulting for Christian nonprofits - the trends and buzzwords center on end-result statistics. Assessments, evaluations, outcome measurements - all tracking impact to determine whether a ministry's achieving its goals and making a difference. Donors care about this increasingly, requiring accountability for the funds they're giving.

It's a good trend in the nonprofit arena, but how helpful is it in our own daily lives? Because it seems to me that the average American life is also becoming pretty measurement-focused. Examples: How many followers do I have for my blog? How many comments or pingbacks did a given post elicit? How many friends do I have on Facebook? What's the ?average reader rating' for that online article I wrote? How many emails, texts, voicemails did I receive today?

The technology that now structures so much of our lives is forever counting, tracking relentlessly. And we who keep up with the digitized world tend to use the numbers as a means of gauging our day-to-day lives. They're external markers - data, if you will - by which we measure the impact we're making on other people. If we're doing anything valuable; if people care.

The stats are ever-present and pervasive, and they can exert a lot of influence over us. When our numbers go up, we may view ourselves as worthwhile, successful. When they don't, we may feel like failures. Relatively low readership causes many bloggers to lose heart and quit, claiming their stats make their efforts seem meaningless. The milieu supports such conclusions, with sidebars about "growing your blog" and "expanding your reach." In some blogging platforms, you can't write a new post without seeing how many viewers visited your site that day. This is just how the blogging world works.

And it's natural and even godly to want our efforts to have impact. We're called to "make the most of every opportunity" (Col 4:5) and to be good stewards of our time and gifts. But the measurement features that digitization bring can carry false and even damaging messages that can distract us. So we must be watchful, prayerful, and wise.

The problem is that the life of faith isn't about "the numbers." For one thing we're called, as Oswald Chambers famously wrote, to live for an audience of One, valuing God's viewership supremely (and sometimes exclusively). For another, Jesus himself made it clear that the worth of a single human soul is infinite to him. If he was willing to leave the ninety-nine sheep to rescue the one that was lost, surely he wouldn't favor a mindset that deems efforts worthless when they aren't accompanied by high numbers.

Underneath it all, a magnified focus on our stats is tied almost inevitably to pride and an ungodly focus on ourselves. We leaders need to be especially wary of this. Just because God has gifted and called us to a task, it doesn't mean that he intends to make us the next Apostle Paul or Beth Moore? And even if he does - that's up to him to worry about, not us. After all, our lives are his to do with what he likes, not ours. In his A Diary of Private Prayer, John Baillie wrote, "O Lord, forgive my unwillingness to believe that Thou hast called me to a small work and my brother to a great one." That one hit home for me. So long as God is pleased with our lives and we receive his "well done, good and faithful servant" when we meet him in glory, then who cares if the numbers in our digitized lives are low?

This prayer, given me by a mentor, is a paraphrase from Francois Fenelon - one she memorized:

Lord, help me apply myself today to my work in a manner worthy of you, with exactness and in peace. Grant me your grace to be faithful in action, and not anxious about success. My only concern is to do your will, and to lose myself in you?. It is for you to give to my weak efforts such fruits as you see fit; none, if such be your pleasure.

Who could say it better? So let the stats fall as they may? and here's to using this type of filter instead when we consider our worth and success.

8 Ways To Connect with Us

Did you know that Gifted for Leadership has several ways for you to connect with other women just like you? You can also easily keep up with what's happening on the blog. Don't worry; the purpose here is not to overwhelm you with more stuff to stay on top of. Instead, the goal is to offer you a variety of ways to join the conversation ? you can pick whatever fits best into your life and the routines you already have going. Here's a summary of ways to stay in touch:

1. The Blog. (Duh.) As always, we welcome your comments on blog posts.

2. RSS Feeds. Do you see the "RSS Feeds" link and logo in the upper-right-hand side of this website? If you click that, you'll see a list of the most recent blog posts and a few sentences of each one. You can subscribe to receive this list (called a "feed"). This is great if you follow several blogs and want to stay up on their latest content without actually visiting each blog.

3. Facebook. Over 175 million people are active on Facebook worldwide. We have a group where you can connect and discuss with others through a discussion board, pictures and video, and posted stories. There's also a Facebook event page for the Synergy Conference here.

4. Twitter ? new! Twitter is a social networking site perpetually answering the basic question "What are you doing right now?" ? in about 20 words or less. Twitter has been referred to as "micro-blogging" and is a fun way to network. Visit our Twitter page to follow us, or to create a free account if you don't have one. We'll include updates on women in the news, current events with a Christian perspective, and link to hot topics on the blog. We'd love to follow your updates, too, if you have an account. Twitter is especially great for people with smart phones (iPhones, Blackberries, etc.) who can send and receive updates on the go, but all you really need is a computer with internet access.

5. The free e-newsletter. This is our most popular option. Once a week you'll get an email with a message from GFL editors, info on the newest downloadable training resource, and the newest blog posts. You'll also find polls, coupons, and other updates from the blog in the e-newsletter. Join over 11,000 others, and click here to sign up.

6. Email. Please email your feedback to womenleaders@christianitytoday.com.

7. In person. Gifted for Leadership authors frequent conferences and events around the country. Amy Simpson recently returned from the Girls Getaway Cruise with Today's Christian Woman magazine. Caryn Rivadeneira and Amy Simpson attended the Synergy Conference in Orlando this year - and plan to next year. Stay tuned to the channels above for announcements about where GFL staff will be. We'd love to say hello!

8. Snail mail. Want to write us a letter? Hold on. I'll need to dig up my Rolodex from the shed out back. Oh yes, this is our mailing address:

Gifted for Leadership
c/o Christianity Today International
465 Gundersen Dr.
Carol Stream, IL 60188

Thanks for being a part of our community. We look forward to hearing from you--one way or another--very soon!

Dream Poppers

We sat in the intimate living room with friends and family.

"I've been asked to join the Proverbs 31 Ministry speaking team," I said with excitement.

Proverbs 31 Ministries is a strong group of women who support, encourage, and mentor faith-filled women who write and speak. It was not only an opportunity to pursue my passion of mentoring, but I was tired of flying solo. I longed for the accountability and friendship that come from working with others who share the same dreams. I shared the benefits, and then mentioned that travel might increase by one weekend a month.

"You don't like your husband very much, do you?" one woman asked.

She was dead serious.

This was someone I care about and respect greatly. She aimed and my joy popped. In her eyes ministry was a negative to my marriage, despite that my marriage is one of the strongest that I know. Richard loves what I do and is my biggest cheerleader. Family is my first priority.

Can I be honest? I wanted to fight back. I wanted to tell her that she doesn't have the same opinion about other women who work away from home 40 hours a week. I wanted to remind her that my husband is pursuing a Master's degree and working full-time, and that she has never seen his dreams as a negative. I wanted to shout out that I'm in my home office 26 days a month, more than any other woman I know.

But it wouldn't have helped. And it wasn't the right thing to do.

Since I couldn't change her opinion, I had to change my response to it. I gently reminded her that 29 years of a happy marriage was the measuring stick of whether I loved Richard, and then let it go.

But this is a huge obstacle for women in ministry. Where do you go to share the challenges, the joys, the frustrations, or the excitement of what God has called you to do? What do you do when someone doesn't get it?

God is our ultimate Boss and Sounding Board. Our family is next. But don't forget that we need each other, too. I am energized when I meet with women who have the same love of ministry. For me, I find that in Proverbs 31 Ministries, or by attending trade conferences such as CBExpo or in networks such as Women in Christian Media. I may attend only one event a year. I may select only one e-mail group. I may choose only a handful of blogs to read - like Gifted For Leadership - but it feeds that side of who God made me to be.

Who is your support group? Is there a network of women with the same goals in ministry? And most important, what step will you take today to make that connection?

Food For Thought

Have you ever read a biography or a great novel and felt so swept up in the story that the book's characters became real to you? As you read their story, you felt you actually were spending time with them?

Gospel meditation, or "being there," has traditionally been called the Ignatian Method, after Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491?1556). He instructed his followers to spend time with Jesus by imagining themselves in the Gospel story.

David Benner, author of The Gift of Being Yourself, writes, "Gospel meditation provides an opportunity to enter specific moments in Jesus' life and thereby share his experience. Shared experience is the core of any friendship. And Spirit-guided meditation on the life of Jesus provides this possibility."

Once I was reading Mark 1:35?38, where Jesus tries to get some time alone. His disciples come and find him, saying, "Everyone is looking for you!" I imagined the scene, thought about how Jesus felt, and realized this: Jesus had his solitude time interrupted! Like me, he'd experienced interruptions, so he knew what I was going through when I had trouble finding time to be alone.

Try this: Choose a passage from one of the Gospels. Read it slowly. Daydream about it, imagining you're there. Perhaps you're a bystander watching Jesus, or the person talking to Jesus. Try playing various roles in the scene. Use your imagination to add details. Put yourself into the story via your five senses: What do you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell? By being there, you're spending time with Jesus.

Praying Together

I admit: I love girl-talk. Add a comfy booth and coffee and I'm in heaven. When I head out the door to meet a friend for coffee, I know I'm really heading out for a couple of hours of encouragement, sharing, and the give and take of conversation. Good stuff!

But not too long ago, I began wondering about these "gab-fests." What do I really hope to gain from all these? A sympathetic ear? Womenly advice? Shared wisdom? Yes, all of that. And yet, beyond the temporary relief of getting it all off my chest, something is lacking.

Maybe it's not really something, maybe it's Someone.

You see, for all the talk-talk-talking, we do, my friends and I don't pray together. Oh, we share prayer requests, and I have no doubt that we do pray for each other, but we don't sit side-by-side, joined by the power of the Holy Spirit, in prayer. I wonder why.

Scripture certainly encourages it: Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them (Matthew 18:20). Personally, I long for it; but even in the 13 years I've been part of a small group of women leaders, this is an area that remains blocked. We make the occasional forays into the intimacy of shared prayer, but never has it been sustained.

Could it be we've turned this conversation with our Lord into something it's not meant to be? Abundantly able to express our thoughts through the spoken word, do we stumble to express our thoughts in prayer because we're worried about whether or not we "do it right?" I know I've fallen into "prayer envy" on occasion, impressed with the eloquence of another's words, or her ability to pepper her petitions with scripture.

Maybe our lack of praying together has something to do with our emotions. Huddled in that booth with my friends, I can laugh out loud and create quite a commotion sharing good news; or I can hang my head while tears stream down my face over sorrows. So, why do I feel inhibited sharing those same emotions with my Lord in the presence of my believing friends?

Something in me wants more than just an assurance that my friends are praying for me - I want the words! I want to know what is being prayed. I don't think I'm alone in this.

I've sent my words of prayer to friends through cards and e-mails, and those prayers always elicit grateful responses. Friends have told me they've cried, felt encouraged and loved, and been prompted to add their own prayers. How much more powerful might our prayers be if we would take that vulnerable step toward one another, clasp hands, and pray?

What about you? Have you found that circle of praying friends? Or maybe you think talking through requests and private prayer is enough. I'd love to hear your comments.

The Day I Met My Dream

So today's a big day for me. One of the "biggies" in my life, actually. It's the day I met my dream (if I may be a tad dramatic). You see, today - with the release of my first book, Mama's Got a Fake I.D.: How to Reveal the Real You Behind All That Mom - I became an official published author. Something I've wanted to do since I was seven, when my second-grade teacher mimeographed and then laminated a book of limericks I had written. She put them in the school library. What a thrill! Not only was I hooked on words and sentences, I knew someday I wanted another one of those books in a library.

I have no idea if any libraries have ordered my book - so I have no idea if that particular dream has been met. But that a library could - because a real book that I wrote exists (though this one's neither mimeographed nor laminated) - is a repeat of that same thrill I felt as a seven-year-old. It's goal met. A dream come true.

And yet, this "big day" isn't all that different from all the rest of my days. Ever had that? I mean, aside from the sunny skies and the 75 degree temps here in Chicago - not the usual St. Patty's Day weather - the "big deal-ness" of the day has largely been in my own head.

To be fair, I have gotten some nice congratulations on Facebook, some great emails ("Happy Book Birthday!" was my favorite), and some nice phone calls. My husband gave me a good shoulder rub and some words of encouragement and support (I'll keep these private?). My daughter thought we should buy a cake to celebrate (and then told me which flavor would be good and ate the first piece). My son asked if I was going to make a million dollars. (This still make me laugh.)

But between all this, it's been my normal work, my usual routine, my regular life. I've had articles to edit, emails to return, kids to care for, food to cook. Tonight my husband heads off to a meeting, and after the kids are in bed, I have a talk for a moms group that I have to shape and run through before I give it tomorrow.

If you could see me going about my day today, you'd never guess (unless you caught me semi-obsessively checking out my sales ranking on Amazon) a dream had been fulfilled or big goal realized.

But isn't that how it is with us leaders most of the time? We work so hard toward some big goal or some grand vision. We work with passion, using our gifts, trying to honor God in the way we lead and in what we lead toward. It's easy to think that the very world will stop on its axis when we achieve that goal.

Of course, for some leaders, this happens. Those whose goal comes with a swearing in or a coronation, perhaps. Or even a graduation or a publicly noted promotion. But for most us, our big deals and our big days, our dreams met and our visions realized simply come. With no fanfare. No huge hoopla. Maybe a cake. Maybe a nice dinner we didn't have to make. Maybe just the realization of something done well.

For me, though, this day has come with something else: a whole lot of gratitude to a God who gives us those dreams, those visions, those passions, and these gifts to lead toward them. Maybe it's because this warm sunny day has been so over-the-top, just-like-God glorious, but today - The Day I Met My Dream - has been filled with whole lot of praise for the God who's with been with me in this life that lead toward the dream. In the good parts and the messes. In the routine and in the hoopla. (Actually, sort of realizing he IS the Hoopla!)

So, anyway: I have to head off to enjoy my Book Birthday Dinner (and what's left of the cake) and try to soak in a few more minutes of this wonderful sunshine before I check my Amazon ranking again. But I'd love to hear you share how you celebrate or mark or record (or whatever it is you do) these "big days" in your life and your leadership. What do you do - or what's the proper response or reaction - when you realize your dream? What do you wish it were like?

Food For Thought

How many times have you sat in the employee lunchroom with coworkers when a person starts to complain about a change in the office hours, the vacation schedule, or the telephone rotation? Within five minutes, everyone sitting around the table feels obliged to chime in with their own litany of job gripes. Complaining is contagious. It's hard not to become a carrier.

Complaining gives the appearance of offering relief - a chance to vent. But rehashing a stressful situation in a setting that offers no opportunity for correcting the problem takes emotional energy and doesn't change the problem. In fact, it can make a problem seem worse than it is.

The Bible says, in essence, to save your breath. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 12:36 that someday we'll have to answer for every careless word we've ever spoken. So vow instead to be a carrier of the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22?23). If you have a suggested solution, go to the person with the power to execute the solution, and make your case. Relish being part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When Women Cling

Today I had to have a tough conversation. A friend of mine has become invasive, ignoring boundaries I have in place. For a couple of weeks she called everyday three or four times a day and sent multiple emails (there was no emergency or urgent need). One day when I hadn't responded to calls or email due to a busy schedule and prior commitments she just dropped by. I wasn't impressed at all and we proceeded to have a very awkward and cool visit. After praying several days for wisdom on how to approach this I invited her out for coffee and dove in. I talked about how I want my time and life to be respected and about how desperate she appears she admitted that she does in fact feel that way at times. I asked if she could allow me the space and time to call her back as it suits me and she said her greatest fear was that I may never return her call.

How do we get to the place where we are looking to someone else to provide our value for us? What goes wrong when women cling to their female friends in a way that only drives them away?

Friendships among women are precious and needed, but they can also be demanding and exhausting. Sometimes one person desires the friendship much more than the other which creates a great inequality. This presents a problem in that one woman is always taking the initiative while the other woman never even gets a chance to miss her or think about making the first move. Sometimes things begin the same on both sides but then things change for one woman which disrupts the balance.

Unspoken expectations can become huge obstacles to growing as friends. "I am looking for someone to make up for my unhappy marriage" is not something you usually say out loud or even admit to yourself. Very often what we are actually looking or what we truly need is never talked about.

Today I shared honestly with my friend and in person so she could see my face during this difficult exchange and know that is was hard for me too because I was trying very hard not to hurt her unnecessarily and yet be very honest. It ended well. She heard me and apologized, admitting she knew it was in excess.

I don't know what the future holds I did encourage her to find out why she would behave this way and explore what else might be going on. I don't want to lose this friend so we'll have to keep working it out in open, honest discussions that are not easy and sometimes unpleasant, and I guess that is part of what friendship is all about.

Emerging into Leadership

Over and over again in my conversations with women in the emerging church movement, I hear the story of women awakening to themselves. They realize that as women they too are created in the image of God and so in theory can serve their creator faithfully in whatever way they are called. Intellectually, they understand this. They want to engage theology, attend conferences, interact online, and visit discussion groups. They want to have a say in the direction of the emerging conversation and lend their particular understandings to shape the movement. They see in this emerging moment in time an opportunity for them to be fully alive as women, to grow their faith in new ways, and to be truly respected in the church. But at the same time they have difficulty actually doing those things.

The problem isn't so much women being told that they can't participate or lead, although there are churches in the emerging movement that still set limits on women, for the most part women are fully affirmed. The men in the conversations wish there were more women contributing their voices and stepping up into leadership. But while such stepping up might seem perfectly natural to these men, I've encountered numerous women who feel they just can't do that. Even if they believe they can be leaders, the message that the church and their culture has imparted to them over the years is that nice Christian women just don't do things like that. They don't assert themselves. They don't impose themselves on others. They don't show up where they haven't been invited. They don't make a scene.

So in the very open source emerging network this creates a problem. Women are affirmed, but with no one to officially invite them into the conversation, many women just don't join in. This of course creates a cycle where, because women don't see other women in the conversation, they assume that not only are they not invited they are not welcome in that world. So some women reject the movement in anger and others resign themselves to remaining on the outside simply wishing things could be different.

As a woman engaged with the emerging conversation, I hope to hear more women's voices represented there. But I do understand the psychological constraints many women face. I don't believe that they simply need to get over who they are and step up anyway. I think men and women need to work together, mutually making sacrifices, to ensure that the conversation is a welcoming place for all. Men should take the time to extend invitations to women. They shouldn't just assume that if women aren't showing up to the conversation that they don't want to be there. Taking the time to make room for women, going out of their way to extend invitations, and showing a willingness to learn from women are just the sorts of encouragements that many women need. But women too need to stretch themselves - not to lose themselves, but to examine what baggage is weighing them down and holding them back. Women can help each other leave behind such constraints and develop into the people we long to be. We can encourage each other and affirm to those who need the reminder that Christian women can be strong, engaging, and dynamic while exploring theology and stepping into leadership.

As much as those of us in the emerging conversation value natural and organic development, I think we all need a reminder that some things, like having women's voices heard, take deliberate planning. We must be aware of the needs of women who are struggling to overcome years of messages that convinced them not to step up. Including these women isn't something that will just happen, it will take work. Constant awareness, intentional invitations, repeated encouragement, and the courage to take risks. But these women are worth it. We will all benefit from adding their voice to the conversation.

Live from Synergy 2009--Day 3

Well, Synergy 2009 is officially over, and we have to say we?re overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the life-changing messages we heard this weekend, with the blessing of being surrounded by so many gifted women leaders, by the incredible calling God has placed on his people, and by the tremendous potential of what women can accomplish in responding to that calling.

Wow. So how do we summarize the experience? Well, maybe it will help to share a few of our favorite quotes from the plenary speakers at this year?s event:

On relationships between men and women: "What do people think about God
when they see how we relate to one another?" —Carolyn Custis James

On using gifts: "When women are not using gifts to the fullest extent, the
Kingdom of God suffers." —Alice Matthews

On men encouraging women: "Joseph gets behind God?s calling on Mary's
life." —Carolyn Custis James

On competition between women leaders: "Women are taught to compete with
one another from Day 1. [We learn] there can only be one prettiest girl in
class." —Lauren Winner

On continual learning: "We can't get by on what we already know... [If
we do] we are dim shadows of the God we're supposed to reflect." —Carolyn Custis James

On education/empowerment/something: "We have the responsibility to make
our own arms strong." —Alice Matthews

On the Synergy conference: "It's good to be at a woman's conference
that doesn't have spa in the title." —Lauren Winner

On the Proverbs 31 Woman: "She's Lady Wisdom in street clothes." —Alice Matthews

Good stuff, huh?

The greatest thing about Synergy, though, is not the challenging and informative workshops. It's not the times of worship or the powerful teaching. It's the group of people who come together. Synergy is a unique gathering of women who are exercising their leadership gifts in church and parachurch ministry. It's an unbelievable opportunity to rub shoulders with people who are making a difference in all kinds of places, responding to the call of God in gifting them for his service.

Sound good? Then please plan to join us for the Synergy conference next year. We'd love to meet you there!

And we'd love to hear from some of the women who attended Synergy 2009.
What did you take away from conference? What did God do in your life while you were there? How will you put into practice what you've learned?

Live from Synergy 2009--Day 2

I wish it were possible to wrap up the thrill of a full day at Synergy in one blog post. But since that's impossible, I just wanted to share something from this morning's plenary session where GFL Editorial Advisor Dr. Lauren Winner gave a wonderfully entertaining and engaging talk on "The Perils and Promises of Being a Woman in Ministry." While she spoke about some of the perils of men and women working together, what interested me most was what she said about women working with other women. She said, "Women are taught to compete with one another from Day 1." Girls, she said, learn early on that there can only be one prettiest girl in the class.

She went on to give examples from her on life where this played out. As she spoke, my brain drifted over the ridiculous ways this competition and jealousy has played out - even in my grown up, professional life.

And I'm still thinking about it. It's one of the best things about Synergy. Every workshop, every plenary stays with us for a long time.

But I'm curious to hear from the rest of you: Do you as a leader still feel there's only room for one prettiest (or smartest or youngest or most educated or whatever) girl - and feel jealous or competitive if it isn't you?

Live from Synergy 2009

Here we are at Synergy 2009, and as in previous years, this promises to be a weekend of rich encouragement, challenge, and connection. This year's theme is "The Blessed Alliance," focused on the healthy, productive, God-ordained partnership relationships between men and women in his service. What a refreshing conversation!

In this evening's opening plenary session, we heard from featured speaker Dr. Alice Palmer Mathews. She discussed the biblical basis for the Blessed Alliance and challenged us to see partnership with our Christian brothers as a biblical mandate, necessary for body of Christ to function as it should.

Alice reminded us that the Blessed Alliance--this partnership between men and women, ordained by God--is not simply a horizontal relationship. It's not about men and women relating to one another effectively. Instead, it's about women and men working shoulder-to-shoulder in pursuit of God's vision, focused on doing what God has called them to do.

She ended with this statement: "When women are not using their gifts to the fullest extent, the Kingdom of God suffers." While many of us probably recognize this in context of just ourselves, this is even more powerful when you consider it in the larger context of the Blessed Alliance--of men and women working together. When women--and their gifts--are not present or a part of this relationship, it's not just we as women who suffer, but the Kingdom.

In case you haven't picked up on this yet, Synergy is a place where we speak frankly--and productively--about the issues women leaders face. Start now, making plans to join us here next year. I promise you'll be blessed!

More tomorrow!

"Coming to Know" in the ER

Today a 29-year-old woman came into the Emergency Room.

When I am not moving loads of laundry from the washer to the dryer, playing taxi driver to my seventh-, fourth-, and first-grade children, or making another meal, I work as a part-time chaplain at a nearby hospital. In the hospital setting, pastoral care is diagnostic. We are trained to understand a patient's spiritual needs with a definite, clinical assessment.

This shift I met "Sarah" from Rwanda. Her parents were killed when she was 13. She lived in a refugee camp after that. She married while living in the refugee camp. Her husband was good to her for the first year of their marriage and then he started drinking. She has spent the last 12 years of her marriage being beat up, strangled, and kicked.

Her first baby died when she went into labor at seven months pregnant. She said, "He came out and cried for a bit, but no one came to help and so he died." Her second baby died when he was one. She said the other women in the camp poisoned him because they are envious of other women's firstborn males. (Who knows: maybe this is how the mind of a traumatized 18-year-old mother deals with a baby starving to death or dying from malaria. But maybe he was poisoned out of envy. I don't know.)

She has been in the States for four years and finally decided to leave her husband and is living in the local shelter for battered women. Sarah is now 14 weeks pregnant. She often goes without food to feed her three living children. She came to the ER complaining of pain. I couldn't help but wonder if she came in because she is deeply depressed.

Finally, after much talking and sharing we both began to weep. As tears ran down her face she kept saying, "I don't know why I was born. There is no life for me or my children. I don't know why I am alive..." I spoke of hope. We spoke of God's anguish over her suffering, but her eyes were dull.

There are some cases that stick with me, and Sarah is still with me.

I was reflecting on Sarah while reading the February 2009 volume of The Journal of Pastoral Care. In an article by Joseph H. Clarke entitled "Pastoral Diagnosis: Assessing the Psychotheological Themes of Freedom and Meaning," the author offers an examination of emotional freedom and the search for meaning and how practitioners of the pastoral arts come to an understanding of the nature of suffering.

I mentioned that in the hospital - in Clinical Pastoral Education - we are trained to diagnosis spiritual needs of a patient. I appreciate the insight Clarke has on the tension this causes within the notion of pastoral care. He explains, "Pastoral diagnosis is an often misunderstood concept sitting uneasily amidst an array of skills utilized by the pastoral practitioner. At first glance the words pastoral and diagnosis appear contradictory in nature. Pastoral often denotes a gentle, non-agenda drive appraisal, where-as diagnosis often denotes a more definite, clinical assessment. The term itself illustrates an ambivalence residing within the character of pastoral care and counseling. Is it a supple, more subjective process or is it a stringent, more objective discipline? My own understanding, and the thesis of this article, is that pastoral diagnosis must be both supple and stringent, but never ambivalent."

I was keenly aware as I spent the evening with Sarah that I was not just there to hear her story, although the ministry of Presence is real and powerful. I was also there to offer her pathways to freedom and meaning. To diagnosis literally means "to come to know." Clearly Sarah was expressing the psychological themes of depression and anxiety. She was also expressing the theological themes of despair, hopelessness, and alienation. As a pastoral diagnostician how do I understand these pychotheological themes in Sarah and offer her new ways to explore and eliminate that which keeps her from freedom and meaning?

My time with Sarah was too short. That is often the nature of Trauma Center/Emergency Room ministry. I spoke what I could into Sarah before she was sent back to the shelter; however, the themes and issues Sarah raised inside me will linger for a long time.

Measuring Success

8 Ways To Connect with Us

Dream Poppers

Food For Thought