Who's Afraid of Critical Women?

A few weeks ago, I got an email from a woman who had had reviewed my book on her blog. While she had mostly good things to say about it, she took issue with one of my first chapters (on the ways motherhood changes a woman). So, she graciously invited me to respond to her critiques.

So I went to her post, read the review, and starting mulling over my response to her. She had raised some good points, offered some valid arguments. And although she didn't sway me, she did make me think. So much so, that while I was still lost in my thoughts, I got another email from her. This time, she said she took down her post. And she apologized! She happened to be a frequent commenter on my Mommy Revolution blog and explained that she didn't "want to be divisive or create any controversy."

I didn't have to think long about how to respond to this!

I wrote back immediately to tell her to do no such thing. She wasn't being divisive or creating controversy (not that I think creating controversy is even a bad thing!). Why should she take down her well-constructed critique?

She wrote back: "In the past when I have disagreed with certain people (mostly men), I've been accused of creating division (mostly by the wives of those men)?"

Honestly, I wasn't expecting that answer. It made me sad and angry all at the same time. At first - because I haven't experienced this - I thought maybe this was a rarity, something perhaps reserved for the small pocket of the world in which this woman lived. Apparently, not so.

As I relayed this email exchange to several of my friends, I got shocked looks. Not because of what this woman wrote, but because they couldn't believe I was so clueless about this "phenomenon"! Apparently this accusing-women-who-disagree of being "divisive," this trying-to-shut-us-up is common. Maybe I'm just dense because I haven't noticed this.

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I've had plenty of experience with people (men and women) who thought I couldn't or shouldn't do this or that because of my womanity. And I'm sure plenty of people in my circles roll their eyes, exchange "knowing glances," or give quiet sighs when I get going on one of my soapboxes (and I do keep a few handy and pull them out often).

But honestly, I've not had anyone accuse me (to my face, at least) of being divisive. I realize now how blessed I've been to run in circles where even where there is wild disagreement, the conversation and the process of thought is valued. By men and by women.

I shudder to think what drives people to think - in this day and age - that critically thinking women equals divisiveness. I'm not saying that we can never get divisive or stir up excessive controversy in our critiques, but I'm confident that men don't hear this same message.

So what it is? Is the world just still not ready for critically thinking women? Are we that scary a thing? And what on earth does this mean for women who lead?

Food for Thought

Who are you trying to please? For many in Christian leadership, the things we want to do, must do, or feel called to do get crowded out by the things we feel we should do. There are always more should-do's being shouted in our direction. The process of adding should-do's to your workweek, however, means you end up continually busy, with an emotional tank near empty. Why do we allow others to "should" all over us? For many, it's because our sense of worth is too fragile to handle disappointing others. We find solace in knowing others approve but guilt when we don't meet others' expectations. If the following statements sound like you, it's an indication your busyness may come from a fragile sense of worth.

-"I lie awake at night sometimes, worrying about someone I couldn't visit or perfecting my sermon."

-As the church grows, I get overwhelmed with everything everyone needs me to do."

-"I'm so busy doing everything that's expected of me, I forget sometimes what God called me to do."

What are some constructive steps or biblical truths that could free you from these attitudes?

The Final Church Barrier for Women: Church Planter

I just came back from the Exponential Conference, the nation's largest conference for church planters. I loved it. Nearly 2,700 church planters, apostles, cultural missionaries, entrepreneurs, and crazy people - the kind who take "It's never been done that way before" as a dare. My friend Dave Ferguson and a team help guide the conference, and he and his brother, Jon, are geniuses at creating life-giving cultures. Exponential is one: attenders focus on reaching people far from God, so they drop sectarian emphases and doctrinal disputes and come together for vision, teaching, prayer. Speakers and attenders represent Anglo, African-American, Asian, Latino and other cultures. Plenary sessions were led by pastors from India and Indonesia.

But where are the women?

Are there no women engaged in church planting? Their absence was conspicuous:
? Of the 8 plenary speakers, the number of women was zero.
? Of the 96 speakers listed in the program, only 11 were women, and almost all of those were teaching in the spouses' track. Most of the few exceptions taught about kids' ministry. Even if not many women are planting churches, many are launching Christian ministries (e.g., Catherine Rohr) and dealing with common issues of casting vision, raising funds, and building healthy teams.
? I hate to mention that the worship band comprised 5 men and 0 women, for the band was chosen because it came from a church plant, a decision I applaud. But it reinforced that the main stage was a Women Free Zone.

Compounding the absence was some insensitivity:
? In one seminar, the speaker asked a church planter to tell his story. Afterward, as people asked questions, the church-planter's wife, who stood in the back, spoke up and answered several questions. Obviously, she was a key partner in this church plant; why had she not been invited to the front of the room to help present?
? In another workshop, the presenter referred to church planters solely as "men" and "dudes." Granted his theological conviction that churches should be led only by men, but would it hurt to use pronouns like "leaders" or "planters" instead?

So where are the women? (Apparently, Dave Ferguson asked this question of Anne Jackson, whose blog-readers found a few.)

I asked Dave Olson, who directs church planting for The Evangelical Covenant Church, a denomination that has among its church planters about 10 women. Dave explained, "For every 1 church plant by a mainline denomination, there are 9 church plants by an evangelical group, and most evangelical denominations were more open to women's leadership 100 years ago than they are today - for example, Evangelical Free, Baptist General Conference, Assemblies of God, various Holiness denominations, and the Wesleyan church." So church culture doesn't support the idea of women church planters.

What about the culture at large? Dave explained, "I've studied thousands of female pastors in mainline churches, and their churches declined faster than those of their male counterparts. That's partly because when a woman becomes a pastor, some people leave because they don't like the change. It's also because women get placed in churches that are smaller, older, and have a faster rate of decline before they arrived."

What about churches that were planted by women? "Among our 10 church planters who are women, their churches are generally not growing as quickly as the churches of their male counterparts."

So neither the church nor the culture is ready for women to plant churches. Too bad, since in order for Christianity just to maintain the same percentage of the American population, we need to boost our current 4,000 church plants per year to 6,900. The massive increase needed is made more difficult when we automatically exclude as leaders 60 percent of today's college graduates.

Will the situation change? Olson reflects, "I think it will be different in ten or twenty years, because for women today who are age 32 or under, the thought of going to a church where women cannot lead is increasingly unthinkable."

Gifted To Lead

Tonight I'm at a hotel in Toronto, sandwiched between two "Gifted to Lead" events. Yesterday, Nancy Ortberg and I co-led the event in Livermore, California, with about 340 women. We were graciously hosted by the Cornerstone Fellowship Church. Every time we open up this subject matter - focused on the challenges and potential for women to lead in the church - we realize how needful it is for women to be able to talk about their stories and learn from one another. I was marked once again by the incredible gifts of the women I had a chance to talk with personally - their passion for the church and their desire to make an impact for the kingdom. I was inspired to keep on persevering for the cause of Christ.

It fascinates me how many of the questions and comments are similar in each event we facilitate. Obviously there are some common themes for women in ministry! I truly hope women left feeling understood and not so alone in their journeys.

Tomorrow I will lead the workshop alone here in Toronto, with another group of 350 this time. It's a lot more fun with my partner Nancy O., but I will do my best to serve these women. I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity.

Why I Bought the Green Bible

Happy Earth Day! I'd like to take advantage of this special time when our thoughts are focused on the planet to talk about the Green Bible, last year's release from HarperOne. In case you missed the hullabaloo, this book is a NRSV Bible that includes a 100% natural cover (created in an environmentally-friendly plant), soy-based inks, and 10% post-consumer paper with the rest originating from "well-managed forests." It includes essays, Bible studies, poetry, and other environment-related commentary from today's leading Christian environmentalists. But the real difference is in the text itself: verses which reference nature or creation - over 1,000 of them - are printed in green ink.

Our friends down the hall at Christianity Today magazine and the Out of Ur blog reviewed the Bible and had little to say by way of compliments. Brandon O'Brien found the Green Bible interesting, but not particularly useful, and Telford Work called it "an ideological fashion accessory, and a vehicle for promoting conventional progressive environmentalism." If that sounds a bit harsh, you should read the blog comments from readers appalled at this Bible's seeming plant-and-animal worship.

Let me add a different voice to the debate and submit that this is a valuable and enriching addition to your Bible collection.

To be clear before we move forward: yes, the Green Bible is the result of clever marketing, but so is nearly every Bible you've ever purchased. Our market research tells us that you probably have not just one or two Bibles in your home, but more like five or seven - all of which have an "angle." As a marketing coordinator for a Christian publisher, I can assure you that new translations, commentary in the margins, or any special edition (chronological, women's, or red letter) is the result of marketing and an agenda. This isn't inherently bad: the question is whether the editors and marketers used their licenses effectively and with an honorable purpose. In the case of the Green Bible, I suggest they did, and here is why.

There is much that I appreciate about the Green Bible. I like the environmentally-friendly printing, and find the diverse supplemental readings enlightening, well-written, and persuasive. Many women and denominations were included in the development of this Bible, which is a step in the right direction. More importantly, I read this Bible expecting to be challenged simply to take better care of the earth - and I was - but I experienced an even deeper revelation. This Bible illuminates over and over how often God uses analogies in creation to explain Kingdom truths so that I can know him better. Sure, it is true to say, "God is powerful, he can do anything." But how much richer are these words in Psalm 95: "In his hands are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are his also. The sea is his, for he made it, and the dry land, which his hands have formed." God chose to explain concepts that would otherwise be too distant for my mental grasp, like eternity or the depth of his love, in earthly analogies that he knew I could understand. And for that I love him even more.

While critics who see these words in green might be disturbed, thinking that this means we're supposed to worship mountains and the sea, I'm afraid they're totally missing the point. The green words point me to the Creator and teach me about his character. They help me realize that I have no right to destroy something that he has made and called good. In this way, creation care is not a fad or secular environmentalism; it is motivated by reverence for a Creator.

It is only from this posture that a Christian environmental ethic makes sense. Ironically, environmentalism then ceases to focus solely on the environment but rather becomes a natural response to the one who created it. Triggered by an understanding of who this is, we start to search for ways to honor him in our daily lives. We begin to see the interconnectedness between people and the rest of creation as we realize how much he values it. We realize that future generations deserve to appreciate it as much as we do. And - this is a surprisingly strong theme of this green-letter Bible - we see that caring for the earth is part of a response to God's call to serve the poor and oppressed, since pollution, deforestation, and other blows to the earth hit their fragile economies and health the hardest. The Green Bible contains several essays to explain this important point.

Despite this praise, I do have one suggestion for future editions of this Bible. In over 100 pages of supplemental readings, only a few paragraphs are devoted directly to an explanation of why certain verses were going green. Of course not everyone will agree on the merits of each green verse - as the editors were no doubt painfully aware as they prepared them - but the curious reader or Bible scholar needs more than a four-point list of criteria to feel comfortable with a green-letter edition. Many readers would appreciate an expanded analysis of why passages were selected to be printed in green.

Many readers will find numerous other faults in the Green Bible, mostly rooted in a fear of identifying too closely with a secular worldview. There is a concern among evangelical Christians that an emphasis on the environment undervalues human souls. On the contrary, a green ethic balances the relationship between humans and the rest of creation, and a healthy earth prepares people to receive the gospel better than a sick and dying one. Incidentally, the Green Bible might be the very resource for such opponents to check out, because, as one of its essays points out, "for Christians, the Bible is a natural place to look for answers." If you're unsure whether environmentalism is a cultural fad or genuine calling from God, browse the Green Bible for yourself and see what God has to say.

Food for Thought

When Christ wanted to teach his disciples how to treat each other, he realized that experiencing something is more life changing than words alone. So Jesus got up from the meal, took off his outer garments, and began washing their dusty feet - a service usually relegated to the lowliest servant. Then, based on the powerful experience they'd just shared, he taught his disciples about serving each other.

In the same way, your unbelieving spouse may need to experience Christ's love through you before he can believe it's real. If you consistently demonstrate Christ's love by serving your spouse, you appropriately give him the opportunity to experience Christ's love in a way that goes beyond mere words and religious talk.

The Silent Retreat

I have a hard time "unplugging." My morning starts with a sleepy-eyed click on email, and most nights I turn in only after checking Facebook. Yet recently it seems God is calling me to spend time plugged in to him - only him.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, throws down this challenge: "In our crazy world, silence and stillness are two of the true remaining luxuries. You have to work hard to create those sacred pockets of stillness for yourself." The impetus for her yearlong journey of self-discovery was a divorce and ensuing depression: "More than anything, I needed peace. And modern life, for all its conveniences and all its opportunities, doesn't offer that. We almost have too many options."

Last summer some friends and I read Ruth Haley Barton's Sacred Rhythms, which echoed Gilbert's findings. Barton invited us to "unplug" using the ancient spiritual practice of solitude. As a self-imposed assignment, we attended a silent weekend at Montserrat Jesuit Retreat House—a bold feat for three women addicted to technology. The retreat center has a "no electronics allowed" policy.

I arrived feeling skeptical with visions of dreary hours spent with monks wearing scratchy robes. Yet I needed to hear from God about a ministry opportunity, so I reasoned, "Surely this - an entire three-day fast from electronics! - will demonstrate my earnestness, and He will acquiesce to my plans." I never got my "yes." That was, as you can imagine, not the point.

Father Boudreaux, who directed our retreat, encouraged journaling throughout the weekend. Here are some slightly scrubbed-up excerpts from my three-day musings. I share them to give you a glimpse of how solitude with God rather than a "yes" to ministry direction was my soul's true need.

Day One: After the evening session: I cannot sleep. The silence is deafening. What do you want from me, Lord? I thought I was supposed to give up that ministry and move on, but all the doors are shut. Did you want me to step out with no idea where to go? Is that the faith? Or am I just going nowhere?

Day Two: Lord, I am lost, and it happened so quickly. I have bought into what Barton describes as "poisoned by the hypnotic belief that good things come only through unceasing determination and tireless effort."

Afternoon: I am down by the lake; I can hear the waves ripple and feel the sun's warmth on my face. Abba, thank you for bringing me back - it makes me sick how fast I default to "do" mode. I know that life is not about the next extreme ministry experience, it is about loving well in my neighborhood, with my family, at my job. Forgive my greener-grass ridiculousness.

Day Three: Sitting on the dock before breakfast, waves, warmth, seagulls, and quiet. It is perfect. I can feel the newly picked wildflowers pressed between the pages of my journal. Abba, when I am back in the world of too many options, please let their deep violet color shout to me of this sweet time of solitude with you.

In Sacred Rhythms, Barton writes, "It is not easy to create this kind of space for attention to the deeper dynamics of the soul in God's presence." My friend Melody told me, "With all that was going on at work, I was afraid I wouldn't get to go. It even seemed that Satan was putting obstacles [in front of me] as I drove to the retreat - I have never experience such traffic in my life! Yet, the more I felt deterred, the more resolute I became in attending."

Our friend Rosemary added, "As the date approached, I really didn't want to go. Something that I wanted to do came up that same weekend, so I was torn. Yet I wanted to fulfill my commitment. Then I even had a little fender bender on the way. Apart from the fact that I would be able to hear (hopefully) God's voice a little clearer, I could also rest and be alone with my thoughts. I have realized that if I would practice solitude regularly, I could manage the hectic-ness in my world better."

Once we arrived, we found it took some time to transition. Melody said, "I was physically tired and wanted to sleep. As a Type-A do-er, I fought with myself over the first 24 hours, trying to ?maximize' my experience versus just resting. Unfortunately, this led to a feeling of restlessness. When I finally allowed myself to rest, I found I was more open to enjoying my surroundings and actually felt more connected to God."

My friends and I can't wait to go back. So join us next year, as we plan to Twitter about our experience during the weekend away. You know I'm just kidding, right?

Creative Team Building

The NTSB official adamantly explained how the crew and passengers survived a near catastrophe in the incredible forced water landing of US Airways flight 1549 on the Hudson River in New York City back in January. The crew worked as a team, not as individuals - and that saved the lives of all 155 people aboard.

The message was clear: when individuals know how to work together as a team, it makes all the difference in the world.

The plus for women is that we to tend to move toward the team model intuitively, out of our instinctive desire for community. Let's look at characteristics of a team that can translate both to the workplace and ministry context:

Vision
Where is it written that teams must be made up of six people, or any other number? Perhaps only three women have been assigned to a team, or that's all that showed up for a volunteer assignment. Work with what you have. With an impassioned heart, and the Holy Spirit's guidance, women can ignite the workplace or church.

Some women will continually complain about the resources their team doesn't have to be successful. Remember, five loaves and two fish once fed 5,000 men plus women and children - and there were leftovers. Robin Chaddock (How to Find Your Personal Path to Success: Keys to Living Out Your Purpose and Passion) says God has already given us what we need in our own lunch bag. So open it up and start looking at what's inside. It's enough to get you started. If each team member does a self assessment, you'll probably find that, collectively, you have most of the tools you need and the ingenuity to obtain the rest.

Equality
For the female demographic that, in the last century, made equality its banner, team members need to see each other as equal parts of the whole. Jennifer Epperson, Station Manager of WRMB in Boynton Beach, Fla., leads a group of staff and volunteers. This group meets regularly with the directive to each bring three ideas for ?on air' features. These seed thoughts have potential to grow into something valuable as others water it with their own input. This discipline brings together varied ideas that come from places like observing a TV show, an internet site, an inspiring piece of art, a comment from the Starbuck's barista or someone at church to from observing the needs of others or from one's own heart. At your next team meeting, each team member commit to bring three ideas to help move the group forward toward its call or to problem solve an issue. In this way, the head Deacon or Deaconess, the Women's Ministry Leader or the group manager in the workplace is no longer responsible to solve everything nor always expected to drive creativity.

The Point Person
One member of the team will have to feel called to represent the group before supervisors, take the heat, and be an advocate for the team. Nurturing the team, seeking a godly way to work out conflict, keeping a watchful eye on the group dynamic and spiritually stimulating the group are qualities of the team point person. In our Midday Connection team I(Anita) ask each team member to take a one day spiritual retreat per month. We sometimes need to be nudged to do something like this, but the individual and the team will benefit from the overflow of this spiritual practice. It's important to keep aware of personal situations and never be slow to allow time off when life is stressful, or to allow time to work offsite and away from the workplace when needed, if the job allows.

Retreats and Offsite Meetings
Inviting a team to throw on their jeans, bring their favorite hot beverage and gather in your home or other venue provides a wonderful, less structured environment in which the team, not just the point person, processes its forward movement. Here are some topics:

? What is working/ what isn't
? What is overwhelming you/us?
? What's hot with our clients or constituency? (Lifestyle issues, felt needs, fads, interests, technology abilities/desires)
? How can we stay a step ahead of what is competing against us
? Plan/fine tune the next quarter/year goals
? Go over our current work list
? Pray about all of this (may be inappropriate in the workplace)

Developing a team takes time, but as trust develops and the team gels you'll be surprised to see what God does if you truly care for the souls of your people and allow creativity to blossom.

A Picture of Love and Leadership

This morning I read through John 19. Typical Good Friday reading since it tells the story of the sentencing and crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Of course, I've read this passage a zillion times before, but this morning, I had this blog on my mind and the drastically different images of leadership - in relationship to love and pride - struck me, particularly in the verses 17 through 30.

Check it out:

"So they took Jesus away. Carrying the cross by himself, he went to the place called Place of the Skull (in Hebrew, Golgotha). There they nailed him to the cross. Two others were crucified with him, one on either side, with Jesus between them. And Pilate posted a sign over him that read, ?Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews.' The place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek, so that many people could read it.

"Then the leading priests objected and said to Pilate, ?Change it from "The King of the Jews" to "He said, I am King of the Jews."'

"Pilate replied, ?No, what I have written, I have written.'

"When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they divided his clothes among the four of them. They also took his robe, but it was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom. So they said, ?Rather than tearing it apart, let's throw dice for it.' This fulfilled the Scripture that says, ?They divided my garments among themselves and threw dice for my clothing.' So that is what they did.

"Standing near the cross were Jesus' mother, and his mother's sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, ?Dear woman, here is your son.' And he said to this disciple, ?Here is your mother.' And from then on this disciple took her into his home.

"Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, "I am thirsty." A jar of sour wine was sitting there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put it on a hyssop branch, and held it up to his lips. When Jesus had tasted it, he said, ?It is finished!' Then he bowed his head and released his spirit."

Reading through this morning not only touched and humbled me - as someone ransomed by this extraordinary act of grace - but got me questioning so many other things. I'll ask you the questions I've been thinking:

What do you think about Pilate's response to the priests? Was he being a stubborn leader or was he acknowledging the truth of whom he sentenced to die?

How about Jesus here? What images of love pour out from this act as the ultimate sacrificial leader?

How are you changed as a leader because of what Jesus did for us? What difference does it make to lead under and serve a Risen Lord?

How has this extension of grace and resulting freedom in Christ shaped your leadership?

The Devastating Power of a Church-Harpy

I knew a woman once who, with super-spy-like verbal finesse, single-handedly took down an entire church. Ka-pow! The congregation exists no more.

I knew another woman who waged a stealth war to get her church secretary fired. Before the campaign ended, the secretary quit, left the church, lost most of her friends, and entered into a deep depression.

Oh, and I knew another woman - a stately matron of the church - whose "helpful ideas" (i.e. biting critiques) so discouraged a new Christian eager to get involved in ministry that her sense of personal value will be devastated for years to come.

What did these three women have in common? They were women's ministry leaders.

Yikes!

I like to call women like these "church-harpies." The Harpy is a figure from Greek mythology, succinctly described by Dictionary.com as "a ravenous, filthy monster having a woman's head and a bird's body." Outside of the mythological realm, the dictionary defines a harpy as a scolding, nagging, greedy, bad-tempered, predatory woman.

None of the three women I mentioned appeared to be harpies at first glance - they were women's ministry leaders, respected wives and mothers, Bible study and prayer group leaders, and long-established members of their churches. And certainly none of these women viewed themselves as harpies! They volunteered long hours in their respective ministries and their church involvement was the centerpiece of their lives. I believe that, in their way, each of these women loved Jesus very much and always felt their motives were justified and right.

The truth is, church-harpies can be hard to spot! Their behavior can be so surreptitious that the damage is done before anyone realizes who did it! And often church-harpies are blind to their own harpy-ness. Their patterns of thinking and behavior are so deeply ingrained that they're unable to recognize the danger of their actions.

So how can you tell the difference between a church-harpy from a good leader? Consider the following distinguishing marks of a harpy - and reflect on how you can avoid developing harpy-ness in your own life:

-Church-harpies hold tightly to power. They grasp onto their leadership roles and often feel resentful of new ideas, preferring to do things their way. Because of these behaviors, church-harpies are usually surrounded by women primarily their own age and of like personality. Their lack of openness to younger (or older) women's perspectives often drives women from other generations away.

Good leaders, on the other hand, strive to mentor, encourage, and provide significant ministry opportunities to women in younger (and older) generations. Even though it is difficult to do so at times, they choose to try others' new ideas because they value the other women in their congregation.

-Church-harpies justify gossip and slander under the guise of "godly" causes. All of us face the temptation to do this at times, but church-harpies have it down to a science. Though they may discourage gossip and even teach against it, because of their own position of authority in the church, they're able to set a tone during meetings that makes it acceptable for them to slander others. Perhaps it's a tirade against the pastor's sermon made under the guise of the harpy's own passionate love for biblical truth. Or perhaps it's a regular pattern of "prayer requests" that are nothing short of a power grab - an effort to turn the women in the group against the woman being "prayed" for.

Good leaders, on the other hand, recognize the extreme danger of gossip and care more about church unity than about their own need to vent. They put the effort forth to stop themselves when they feel the urge to gossip; they privately pray for people who've upset them, rather than airing dirty laundry in front of others.

-Church-harpies become predatory when someone gets in their way. When they feel they've been crossed, criticized, or hindered in some way, church-harpies go after their foes with self-righteousness vindictiveness. They'll meet with pastors to criticize others, they'll attend elder meetings to voice complaints, they'll circulate letters, they'll request that people be fired, they'll hold secret meetings, and they'll threaten to quit their position or even leave the church if something isn't done about the issue/person/problem they're upset about. They feel justified in doing so and can quote Bible verses to prove it! And often because of their long history within the church - and the clout they hold among others in the congregation - the harpy ends up getting just what she wants.

Good leaders, on the other hand, seek God's help in developing compassion and patience toward those who've wronged them. They seek others' wisdom in dealing with frustrating situations rather than relying solely on their own. They take time to search out the sand out of their own eye. Good leaders offer forgiveness because they value church health above their own desire to "win."

James's strident caution to the church is a powerful challenge to each of us women called by God to serve in our churches: "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice" (James 3:13-16).

With God's help, we each must fight hard against our own innate desires to hold tightly to power, to gossip and slander, and to go after those who've hurt us. If we don't we may soon become church-harpies - and not even know it.

The Waiting Place

In his book, Oh, the Places You'll Go, Dr. Seuss writes about something he calls "a most useless place:" The Waiting Place. It is "for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting."

While I'm not waiting around for public transportation or a new hairstyle, The Waiting Place is where I find myself reluctantly lingering these days. Ironically, I've been waiting to snap out of it.

I'm waiting ? for that place called "Home."

I've found it difficult to call any place home since my husband's ministry has required several moves. Home suggests roots and community, not a fleeting affair.

As I wade through my 40s, that obscure thing called "home" beckons me. I wish to spend more time with my parents and sisters. Our twice-a-year visits are simply not enough. My heart desires more.

I'd like to see them often enough that we no longer clean our houses as we prepare for the other's arrival. I'd like our visits to stop feeling like an event - like we must suck the life out of one another while we're together, because one of us will need to leave again soon. I'd like the opportunity to be bored of them, to run out of things to say.
And I wonder if it's wrong to wait for home when I have a family of my own.

I'm waiting ? for that big break.

There are days I fantasize about becoming a barista at Starbucks instead of being a writer. For over a year now, I've checked my email (obsessively, at times) waiting to hear that the project I've been working on will be accepted by someone who sees its potential. Writing can be exhilarating - and absolutely tormenting.

Sometimes, I say no to the voices that call me to the page and tell them to leave me alone. I tell them they're failing me. I reason with them, telling them there's no future in them.
"Don't you realize that The Tribune Company has filed bankruptcy?" I ask. "No one wants you!"

On my most discouraging days, I tell the voices that, when I write them, no one reads them anyway. Fortunately, they know better. They keep speaking and I am compelled to keep listening. I jot their ideas down and massage them on a black and white screen. I write ? I edit ? I press send ? I wait.

I'm waiting ... to get into shape.

It's a purely ridiculous notion, but I'm waiting to get my butt in gear. One day, I hope my body will refuse its default, sedentary self (the one that prefers to be loosely wrapped in flannel, huddled on the left side of my couch clutching a handful of cookies) and move toward health.
Like most, I have many good excuses against exercise. Mine include: my running pants are too tight (go figure). It's cold outside. I'm under deadline. I have children. I'm having a good hair day. I don't wanna.

But my mirror reminds me that, unless I want my thighs to look like someone smacked them around with the bumpy end of a meat tenderizer, I had better get going. When I do, I momentarily leave The Waiting Place and am always surprised to discover the creativity and joy that loiter in the fresh air.

If I were to rewrite Seuss' description of The Waiting Place to reflect my present condition, it would sound something like this:

I am ?waiting for home to feel like Home
or vigor to come and inspiration to flow
or the email to come and say, "It's a go!"
or my athletic self to re-emerge with gusto
or waiting for the economy to finally blow
or waiting for my kids to grow.
I am just waiting.
Christians can be guilty of tossing scripture at those who find themselves in The Waiting Place. "Wait on the Lord," we say. "Be content in all things." I think we sometimes use these verses to plug up our whining and shove us toward (halfhearted) acceptance. Then again, there are times I pretend to be "waiting on the Lord" when I'm actually electing to be a slug.

Rather than settling into our discontentment and hoping we can somehow get comfortable in the prickly place, perhaps we should allow these seasons to spur us into action. Is it possible that God wants us to figure a way out of The Waiting Place instead of merely accepting it?

This morning, I set aside my slug-like self and dug my jogging bra out of the drawer. It wasn't a long run - and it certainly wasn't pretty - but for a few miles I simply placed one foot in front of the other.

It was cold. My running pants were still too tight. I still had deadlines. I still had children. And I still didn't wanna do it.

But I spent the next half hour doing something I haven't done in a while - moving forward. Though I literally ran in a giant circle, I momentarily left The Waiting Place. My thoughts turned to God and I considered the places we might go.