Leading in the Lands of the Free

My seven-year-old son is on a freedom kick. Whenever we talk about a country (and this is often, since he and my five-year-old daughter are also on geography kicks), he'll ask: "Do they have freedom there?"

I love that he asks this. Because when the answer is "yes" it gives us an opportunity to talk about what cool things and amazing opportunities freedom allows people in whatever free country we're talking about. And when the answer is "not really" or "really limited" we talk about the injustices and oppression and the horrors lack of freedom brings about.

While this certainly isn't the most cheery mom-and-kid talk, I think these conversations are among the most important I have with my kids. I want them to grow up understanding how precious the freedom we enjoy in our country (which is, by the way, the U.S.) - how historically and geographically rare it is. I want them to understand it and appreciate it because I believe that the luxurious freedoms we enjoy falls under the "jurisdiction" of Jesus' words: "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required" (Luke 12:48).

Of course, often when I'm in a hurry to impress this upon my kids, I often forget to apply it in my own life. Especially as a person who spends a lot of time (makes a career of, really) writing about various "injustices" and "oppression" we women face, as mothers, as leaders, and as women in churches, the workplace, and in society. It's easy for me - in the midst of pointing out continued inequities and lost opportunities for women to display God-given gifts and talents and live out callings - to forget momentarily about the dire plight of women across the globe.

It's easy for me to take for granted that simply being able to gripe about the wrongs is in itself a huge blessing of the free.

All this to say, as we Americans prepare to celebrate our Independence Day and all the blessings and opportunities our great country allows, and as those of you in other great and free countries reflect on your own blessings and opportunities, I think we as women gifted for leadership have an obligation to the women (and men and children) around this globe who suffer, are oppressed, and held in bondage to remember, pray for, speak for, stand up for, defend, support, or whatever daring acts the Lord may call you to. Frankly, it's what's required of us who lead in the lands of the free.

Weary of the Gender Wars

I grew up in the faith while "Onward Christian Soldiers" was still regularly sung at church. However, due to the Viet Nam War, it lost its appeal as we were bombarded with the images of war on the nightly news. I learned very quickly that war is costly: two members of my church youth group were killed within months of each other.

Then, through my reading of Scripture and the teaching I sat under, I came to understand that when I accepted Christ as my Savior, I entered a spiritual war against the forces of evil. I could expect persecution and rejection on many different levels. I accepted this as part of the cost of following the Lord Jesus. What I didn't know then, and would not come to understand until years later, was I also had been conscripted into a battle within the church that has now come to be known as the "Gender Wars," the women-in-ministry debate.

In the June 2008 issue of Christianity Today (GFL's sister publication), a pair of articles were published under the title, "Wounds of a Friend," one addressing complimentarians ; the other, egalitarians. Because I am in vocational ministry, these articles drew my attention---either because of a sadistic curiosity to see what's being said about women like me or an eternal hope that perhaps the discussion might change.

I was surprised when I found myself somewhat encouraged by the article directed at complimentarians, but was disappointed at what the egalitarian representative wrote. Sadly, the discussion has not changed and in many ways it seems that now both sides are reaching in ridiculous directions to make their arguments fresh and new when in fact the discussion is old and tiring.

The trouble with these debates between members of the academy is they have no basis in reality. As a ministry practitioner, I do not look to the current political liberal thought, as was suggested in one of the articles, to determine where my place is in ministry, although there are those who presume I do because of my gender. The Lord God, not some current thought, determined my place when he called me apart to serve him. I'll stand with Paul on that. (See Galatians 1:15,16.)

Reality for most women in ministry also does not speak of "rights." We serve because we cannot do otherwise. I mean: who would willingly place themselves in a position of being targeted at every turn without being compelled to do so by their desire to serve the Lord God? But the academy continues to keep the war going through a debate that is far from the reality of most women in vocational ministry.

Personally, the women-in-ministry debate became a reality during my second theology course in seminary. We were discussing the Doctrine of the Church when my professor stated with great authority that women should not be involved in passing on the faith. I couldn't believe what I heard. So in a moment of reacting rather than a thoughtful response, I asked him to repeat his statement. He repeated exactly what I had heard: women should not be involved. That statement led to a 30-minute "discussion" in class with this man who had shared just two weeks earlier that his grandmother had led him to faith. I stood at one point to be face to face with him, and he merely stepped to one side and spoke to the men who were sitting behind me. I sat down at that point and had the first taste of many more similar situations to come. I had been fully conscripted into an unwanted and previously unknown war.

Ten years after that first introduction to the gender debate, I'm tired of the discussion. I'm tired of being cautious around ministry staff that I do not know, not trusting how they'll receive me. I'm tired of having to justify the call God has placed on my life to serve him in a pastoral role. I'm tired of having my gifts denied, often buried, because I am made in God's image as a woman and not as a man. I'm tired of church boards who send young women into war-torn Sudan, but tell that same woman she cannot serve with them on the board. I'm tired of being boxed into a certain theological camp based solely on my gender and not on any discussion with me.

I had the privilege of serving under the ministry of a world-renowned pastor for 25 years. We talked many times about this debate and our conversations helped me through those first rough times of attack. I asked him once why he didn't speak out for women in ministry because he was so clearly supportive. His response surprised me. He told me he didn't want to be marked by the issue, as many others had been; rather, he wanted to be known to preach Christ and quietly address divisive issues through example. I wish I had that luxury because whether I like it or not, the "gender war" follows me everywhere.

If the church is going to be about the work of the Kingdom, the war has to stop. God has, does, and will continue to call faithful women and men to serve him in many different capacities: apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers (Ephesians 4:11). A kingdom, or church, divided against herself will never stand. One of the Gender War articles noted, "when God calls a woman to step forward she is to step forward, regardless of how others respond" (CT, June 2008, P.41). I do agree with this statement and as long as the Lord allows, I will continue to serve him. That's reality.

Why Don't We Feel Like We Have Enough?

In late winter, a new Salvation Army store opened with surprising fanfare in my mid-Michigan hometown. At the Grand Opening, bargain shoppers started lining up outside in 30 degree weather at 7 a.m. and patiently waited two hours for the manager to unlock the doors. When he did, it took 20 minutes for the crowd to file inside.

Throughout the day, shoppers again waited in lines to purchase the goods that filled their carts to overflowing. The lines wrapped around the perimeter of the store while hundreds of cars clogged the once deserted parking lot.

By closing time, the store that offers items with the average sale price of $2.09 had made $30,000. Twirling lights from a sky tracker sliced through the darkened skies, signaling to the world that a new business had successfully launched.

It's tempting to believe that shoppers who sifted through the carefully sorted clothing and household goods did so out of dire need. But I'm afraid my local Salvation Army's slammin' success is more indicative of the downward slide of the American shopper. Sometime in the past year, Macy's shoppers became J.C. Penney shoppers who became Wal-Mart shoppers who became Salvation Army shoppers.

We may be experiencing a paradigm shift, but the paradigm itself (shop till you drop) has remained the same. And so has our bottom line. We're still looking for a bargain. We're still seduced by the thrill of the hunt. And, even at the Salvation Army, we're still spending money as though it were our social responsibility to do so.

The rhetoric regarding the cause and effect of our economic downturn continues to swirl, but I don't believe it reflects the whole truth of our circumstances. The reality that we don't seem to want to face is that we have bought into the scarcity mentality that permeates the culture. Our closets, garages and cupboards overflow with possessions, but we act like our stuff evaporated with our 401Ks.

Certainly, there are legitimate needs. I live just outside of Flint where unemployment rate hovers above 14 percent due to the auto industry's failure. Economic tensions and uncertainties dominate every conversation and fill the very air we breathe.

Still, many people here have homes, cars, snowmobiles, cottages Up North and wardrobes that could easily clothe a small African village. America is still the richest country in the world, but our desire for more stuff remains unsatiated.

Marketers have apparently won the battle. We have come to believe we do not have enough. We look on our belongings with disdain rather than gratitude and have listened to the message that loudly insists, WE NEED MORE! And we're buying it. We may not be buying it at our preferred outlets, but that doesn't mean we're not hauling it home.

Perhaps the question we need to be asking ourselves is not, How can I get more? but, Why don't I feel like I have enough?

G. K. Chesterton said, "There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less."Jesus himself said, "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Such ideology is viewed as absurd by our consumer-driven culture that has entertained, comforted and numbed itself for decades by heading to the mall.

While it may seem counterintuitive, perhaps the best way to experience a sense of abundance rather than scarcity is to give some of our stuff away. Most of us have more than we're capable of caring for anyway. Certainly, we have more than we can truly enjoy. It's time to sort through all those sweaters, dishes, toys and furniture and do what the experts say: keep what you love, let go of the rest.

Once you've accumulated a pile of good stuff to share, be sure to donate it to your local Salvation Army. If your store is experiencing a boon like mine, their stock might need a little replenishing.

How to Take a Compliment

While checking my children into the nursery at church last week, an acquaintance of mine approached. "Susan, this is who I've been telling you about!" she exclaimed, pulling her friend behind her. She turned to me with a big smile. "I've been telling Susan all about you, how you're so good at speaking. You are the best teacher!"

I froze, not sure what to say. She continued, "I don't know how you do it all, with all you do at church, and your kids are so well-behaved and you are so thin!" I smiled and coughed out a "thanks." Inside, I was cringing. I knew she meant well, but I felt incredibly awkward. I ran through some of my possible responses:

"Yeah, I think I'm the best teacher of all of them too!" The arrogant approach, while hoping none of them are standing behind me.

"Actually, I'm terrified to stand in front of people" The false humility approach.

"Don't worry, my kids are actually brats." The somewhat true but uncomfortable approach.

I realize that I find it very hard to take a compliment. A room full of people? No problem. But one person's full attention? I avoid it like the grocery store on Sunday.

With leadership comes the spotlight, a place where your work is recognized. Learning to graciously accept compliments will boost your confidence as well as make the compliment-er feel comfortable with you. Here's what I've learned:

DO say thank you.
A simple thank you would have worked well in my exchange. If I had insisted my teaching was "no big deal" or "not that good," I would be downplaying the use of my talents for God's work. Self-deprecating comes easily, as it masquerades as humility. My acceptance of her verbal gift - whether or not I fully agreed - allows me to bless her efforts to encourage me.

DO use the compliment to open conversation.
If I was properly caffeinated on Sunday, perhaps I could have thought quicker in my compliment-exchange. I would have liked to respond with a thank you and used the compliment to start a conversation about the Bible study. This would have allowed me to accept her verbal gift while moving on to equal ground.

DON'T return the compliment - unless you mean it.
A flashing signal of insincerity is a hastily returned compliment. Have you ever received a compliment because the person didn't know what else to say? Once I tried highlights at home, and the resulting blond-and-orange zebra stripes demanded notice. "Oh!" several women said, their voices rising and falling in a crescendo, "your hair looks so great!" Using compliments as a cover is inauthentic.

DON'T blabber.
A friend of mine told me about her own experience with compliments-gone-south. A pastor praised her administrative work with the children's ministry at church. My friend replied, "Yes, well I sure needed that master's degree in elementary education to wipe my kid's noses and drive the minivan." Conversation turned to awkward silence while the pastor mumbled something about "gifts." My friend kicked herself for the rest of the week.

DO share your weaknesses with your platform.
Receiving compliments about my strengths is much easier when I'm openly sharing my weaknesses. The "well-behaved children" compliment bothered me because of how hard I actually find mothering. When I reflected in prayer on my irritation, God gently reminded me how often I share my own struggles at raising young children. It's easy to parade my best side as a leader. But when I'm willing to speak openly about my struggles, it makes it easier to take pride in the strengths God has given me.

DON'T plan to meet everyone's expectations.
I'm learning to recognize that other's disappointment is inevitable. As my influence rises, so do people's expectations. People recognize and herald gifts, and I begin to feel that others have a false expectation of what I can accomplish. They probably do.

One of the reasons I was uncomfortable with the teaching compliment is my own pressure to be "the best" every time. Confessing to God my desire for others' approval and talking with a friend about the pressure of expectations has helped relieve the pressure that comes with leadership.

I would like to receive a compliment without appearing cocky, awkward or ungrateful. And by modeling this ss a leader, I can influence others in practicing authentic expressions of encouragement. Next time I'm in the nursery line, I'll have my smile and thank you ready!

Nicole Unice is a contributing editor for GiftedforLeadership.com, and a counselor, speaker, and writer. She also serves in Family and Student Ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA.

Leaders Should Consider Twitter

Though it's been around for three years, Twitter hit the main stage of American culture when Oprah decided to write her first tweet. Though the site was excelling before the Oprah nod, more people are on Twitter today than ever before. So why should you consider signing up?

1. By Signing Up for Twitter, You Can Avoid the Blank Stares. In our modern age, there are some products, people, and Internet sites that everyone seems to know about. For example, most of us have heard of ShamWow and the Snuggie even if we don't own them. It's hard to check out from the grocery story without learning the latest about Brangelina (Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie) and more recently the sad news of Kate and Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8. There are just some things that everyone knows about, so go ahead and add Twitter to your list. It will take you less than three minutes to open a free account and send your first tweet of 140 characters or fewer. That's right: You only get a sentence or two. Then, when someone asks you if you know about Twitter, you can offer more than a blank stare - you can give them give them a warm smile and an invitation to follow your tweets.

2. Twitter Allows You To Break Down Barriers Between You and Those You Lead. If you're a leader or pastor or business owner, then you've probably felt the pedestal being slipped under your feet when you weren't looking. People to love to build up those they see running an organization, ministry, church, or business. Sometimes in the process of building up, they also create barriers. Twitter is a great way to remind people in your community that you're just like everyone else. Offer a quick tweet of trying to convince your 3-year-old that wearing clothes after a bath is a good idea or going for third-helpings at the buffet is not (after it's too late) can add humor and moments of connection among those you work with and serve.

3. Twitter Is So Young That It Naturally Invites Creativity & Innovation. Twitter is still so new that making companies, churches, and marketers are still trying to wrap their mind around it. Some are using it to tout new ideas, new products, and new discoveries. Some are using it raise money for worthy causes while others are using it to teach valuable life lessons. One church in Dallas, Texas actually taught an entire three-week series on the "Theology of Twitter." You can check out the tweets at www.twitter.com/jallenjr. So have go ahead and have some fun on twitter!

4. Twitter Doesn't Have to Take Up a Lot of Time. Some people have been vacuumed into the Twitteruniverse, but no worries, that doesn't have to be you. Twitter is simply a micro-blogging tool. With only 140 characters, you're forced to keep things concise, which translates to less time consuming. Sure, some people twitter every five minutes, but often those people are commenting on not-so-fascinating topics like what highway they're driving down (do we care?) and the Spaghetti-o's they had for lunch (really, do we care?) A handful of thoughtful tweets is better than a thousand bland, boring ones. Since you can send updates by text message, phone or via Twitter's web page (among other methods), it can be done quickly, conveniently and at your own pace.

So go ahead and give it a try, and while you're there, you can follow my Twitter at www.twitter.com/mafeinberg

Happy Twittering!

Wondering Why We're Sent

When I walk into a roomful of strangers, I engage in what is, at best, a self-imposed test in discernment; at worst a superficial gamble. I scan the women to whom I will be speaking and instinctually begin an imprecise version of memory, flipping cards in a lame attempt to match the earnestness of their smiles with the state of their souls. I do it with pretense, albeit pretense with an asterisk. Pretense: I want to know their stories. Asterisk: I want to know their stories to know if I'll hit my mark. I toss God a prayer: Okay, You sent me here, now show me why.

Then I wait.

But at a recent event, he didn't answer. Or so I thought.

Several of us were chatting easily over dinner, typical mom small talk - number of kids, gender, ages - when a card was flipped and the match was breathtakingly unexpected.

"And how old are your children?" a soon-to-be grandmother asked.

The question was directed at a young red-haired woman across the table.

"I have two boys," the red-haired woman said. "Twins."

I had heard her mention a daughter earlier, so I asked, "And a third, right?"

Her eyes dropped and her voice became a choked whisper. "I had seven-year-old daughter. She passed away."

Her tears were instant.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

Heavy, awkward silence.

Lying in bed that night, her pain hovered over me, threatening to swallow the distance between my heart and my brain. The thought of my own seven-year-old daughter being anywhere but tucked snugly in her pink flannel sheets was too daunting to imagine. Pretending it couldn't happen to me was the only solace that finally brought sleep.

The next morning, the ache of her loss pounded in my chest as the sun rose over Lake Michigan. Then - a flash of hope.

This is why you brought me here, I prayed. You have something you want me to say. A word of truth, a touch of healing, a drop of grace. I'll do anything you ask.

After my morning session, I approached the woman with a smile she graciously returned.

"I couldn't stop praying for you last night," I said. "I want you to know you have freedom here. If you need space, take it, but I'm here. Whatever you need."

The sentiment was enough to bring a mix of tears and nervous laughter. No more information was given, but I'd let her know I cared and that was enough for now. We had more time and I trusted that God's healing touch was divinely embedded in a remaining session.

As it turned out, she took my advice on getting some space. I didn't see her again until the next morning, and I was relieved that she'd at least be in the final session - God's last chance to heal her soul via me. Only right before the session, instead of taking her seat, she thanked me and said goodbye; she had a long drive and needed to be going.

My gamble in discernment was a bust and, truth be told, I was a little irritated with God.

That's it? You're just going to let her leave? But I've got stuff she needs to hear! And what about the video clip? I HAVE THE PERFECT VIDEO CLIP!

Driving home, I was unsettled: What is my deal? Filled with regret: Why didn't I ask her daughter's name? Angry: God, I begged you to use me. Why didn't you?

The rebuke came swiftly and it stung. Maybe, Suanne, my plans for her had nothing to do with you. Maybe, I didn't need you. You are not her Savior. That job belongs to me and me alone. I AM enough.

Ouch. Depressing. Depressing because I almost wanted it not to be true.

As a leader in ministry, I used to think God's primary purpose was to use me. Now, I'm wondering if what he really wants is to change me and perhaps - if I'm lucky - he'll use me in the process.

Maybe I should have done more for that woman. Maybe I did all I could. I'll probably never know, but at the end of the day, if I trust that God is who he says he is, then my only choice is to believe that the life of a broken-hearted red-haired woman is in completely capable hands.

No games. No questions. No gamble.

Seeing Yourself in Scripture

As friends and I met for dinner to enjoy pictures of mutual friends' wedding, their four-year-old joined in the fun. At one stage I asked this child which picture was her favorite, and she quickly pointed to one saying "This one!" When I asked why, she pointed again and said the name of her best friend. Her parents and I strained our eyes to have another look. We'd been focusing on the images of adults and failed to observe a little girl - her best friend - poking her head just slightly around her mother's knee. We all broke into laughter, realizing we had missed something precious to this child. This little girl noticed an individual similar to herself in the photograph while the adults were looking only at the other adults. It was one of those profound moments when you realize how experience shapes observation.

The same is true when women read Scripture. Women tend to observe other women. It should not surprise us that as women entered universities in the 1800s, they were among the first to note women evangelists (Mark 7:24-30, John 4:5-42, John 20:17, Phil. 4:2-3); deacons (Rom. 16:1-2); teachers (Acts 18:24-26, Col. 3:16); leaders of house churches (Acts 16:13-15, 40; Acts 18: 1-3, 18, 24-26; Rom. 16:3; 1 Cor. 1:11; Col. 4:15; Phil. 1-2; and 2 John 1:1); Junia the apostle (Rom.16:7), and women like Tryphena, Tryphosa, and Persis who "worked hard in the Lord" (Rom. 16:12). To "work hard in the Lord" is how Paul describes his own missionary work.

Women were also at the forefront of recovering the contributions of women throughout church history. Here are a few examples:

The Early Church
The earliest Western translation of Scripture was the work of a 4th century male-female translation team - Paula (347-404 A.D.) and Jerome. Jerome, a prominent early church leader, hailed Paula's mastery of Hebrew and her ability to speak it without a Latin accent. In gratitude for her, Jerome dedicated much of his work to her.

Macrina (330-379) was the older sister to Basil the Great and Gregory of Nyssa, and both credit her for their theological education. Insisting that humility and love are the fruit of scholarship, Basil (famous for his defense of the Nicene Creed) and Gregory (known for his theological understanding of the Holy Spirit) both called Macrina "teacher."

Apollonia was a prominent deacon in the Alexandrian church who was brutally martyred in 249 A.D. Like all deacons, she cared for the ill, provided a theological education to converts, anointed the sick with oil, and held a position of leadership in the church.

Middle Ages
Throughout the Middle Ages women like Theodora (500-548 A.D.) continued to reform the world. She and her husband Justinian, emperor of the Byzantine Empire, built Constantinople, the most architecturally advanced city in her day, as well as Hagia Sophia, one of the most impressive churches in all of history. Passionate about the plight of women, Theodora limited forced prostitution and built homes for them. She gave women a greater voice in divorce and advanced laws that allowed women to hold property. Theodora also built unity among Christians factions.

Celebrated for her learning, holiness, and unceasing service, Hildegard von Bingen (1098-1179 A.D) was one of the most celebrated women in all of history. She was a physician, composer, and political leader, and her counsel was sought by popes, bishops, and kings. As an abbess over a double monastery, she exercised authority over monks and nuns. Hildegard revived the spiritual health of a church that had become morally and spiritually indifferent.

Catherine of Siena (1347-1380 A.D.) worked tirelessly to oppose corruption and abuse of power. She demanded that bishops and popes lead righteous and humble lives. God called Catherine to public service at the age of 21. She cared for the victims of the plague and confronted the greed, corruption, and spiritual poverty of church leaders. Catherine boldly entered the pope's palace at Avignon where she reminded him of the church's highest mission, that of saving souls.

The Modern Missionary Movement
During the "golden era" of missions in the late nineteenth century, women outnumbered men two to one on mission fields around the world. Their efforts shifted the density of Christian faith outside of the west to places like Africa, Asia, and South America. One of these women was Charlotte "Lottie" Moon (1840-1912), the best known Southern Baptist missionary. Originally sent to teach children in China, Lottie defied her field director's advice and began evangelistic work in Northern China. She lived among the people, dressed like them, mastered the language, and began churches, a school and a medical clinic. She taught male converts and prepared several to pastor the churches she started. Lottie shared everything she had and eventually died of starvation when food was scarce.

Amy Carmichael (1868-1951) was also a celebrated missionary. Born in Northern Ireland, she lived and worked more than fifty years in India, rescuing over 2,000 young women and girls from temple prostitution. Amy established a home and school for these children and published numerous books that inspired other missionaries.

Concern for women and children was also a consuming passion of Pandita Ramabai (1858-1922), founder of the Mukti Mission - one of the best examples of Christian faith in action. An advocate of women's intellectual ability, she and other women not only translated Scripture into a prominent Indian dialect; they also printed and distributed this Bible.

If our experiences as women bring insight not only to history but also to Scripture, then women offer something of great value to these fields. Perhaps this is why Christ (who lived in a very patriarchal era) used females as key figures in many of his parables and other teachings. Clearly, Jesus loved and valued women, making this visible by including their voices and experiences throughout his work. If we are followers of Jesus, should we not be doing the same?

Leading in a Complaining Culture

One of the most taxing things one encounters when mothering a three-year old boy is the whining: the use of an annoyingly complaining voice. One would think - and many experts assert - that if a child is never given the item for which he whines and is always required to rephrase his request politely, the behavior would eventually be extinguished. But no such luck in our household. Our myriad anti-whining strategies have met with no real success to date.

In a recent chat with a close mom friend about parenting our preschoolers, I raised our whining dilemma. What else could I try to stop it? Was there no solution (and if not, could my sanity be preserved)? After listening for a while my friend gently - and correctly - pointed out that I was, in essence, whining about my son's whining problem.

Complaining, in essence, is saying: "This isn't working out for me. I'm annoyed that I don't have - or am not getting - what I want right now." It's what my kid‘s doing when he asks for a drink in an unhappy voice. And it's what I'm doing when I'm telling my friend that ongoing effort to address this parenting challenge is killing me.

If ever there was a culture of complainers, our society is it. Here we are: world's richest nation, where instant gratification is the daily norm for most everyone in most realms of life. But we're eternally unhappy. We always want more, different, better… and we're not afraid to say so.

Now don't get me wrong. Sharing our burdens with one another isn't sinful but actually godly, and it's wise to seek advice from Christian peers and mentors about challenging situations. But the line between constructive problem-solving and complaining is terribly thin. I'm more apt to be on the complaining side than on the constructive side - and I find myself in good company.

Whining, rooted in our sin nature, is part of the "old self" we're commanded to "put off" (Eph 4:22). The original sin consisted of Eve doing exactly what my son does routinely: voicing dissatisfaction about the snack options God has provided to her. She wanted a different one. She and Adam were discontent with what they'd been given, said so, and then acted on it.

This is the essence of complaining: dissatisfaction. Lack of contentment. A joyless and unthankful heart. These were present when our first parents sinned, are present in my three-year old, and are also present in me.

It can be hardest to see among us leaders. As a mom it's appropriate for me to brainstorm solutions to my kids' developmental issues as part of godly childrearing; likewise it's appropriate for me as a leader to brainstorm how best to address challenges being faced by or among those I lead. We get into problem-solving mode. The difficulty is that this same mode is where a complaining spirit and unthankful heart often take root. Where sin disguises itself in the garb of diligent leadership activities, it can burrow deep and prove highly destructive.

Few commandments are more straightforward than the antidote to whining, found in one of the Bible's shortest verses: "Be joyful always" (1 Thess 5:16). Paul tells his readers quite simply to choose joy. This - contrary to how we feel when we find ourselves in a unsatisfactory situation - is actually in our power through the work of the Holy Spirit in us. We can shun dissatisfaction. We can give thanks instead of whine. We can turn from discontentment to contentment. Revolutionary - but true.

Our culture models this very seldom. After all, the whole purpose of marketing in our consumerist society is to elicit and amplify discontent and complaining spirits within us. A whining mindset is absolutely pervasive in America today. Unless we combat it with every tool that God give us, it will triumph in each of us… corroding our souls and damaging our leadership influence.

And so we - as mothers, leaders, workers, consumers - must cultivate thankfulness in all things. We must learn to resist the temptation to complain and seek joy through Christ in each wakeful moment. May God use our example, perhaps even more than our instruction, to inspire those around us to live thankful rather than whine-ful lives by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Confessions of a Finite Follower

"How long will it be before I am better?" I asked a trusted mentor and advisor. He thought for a moment and replied, "If you are really careful, I expect you'll be somewhat recovered and almost back to normal in about eight months." I blinked in disbelief. Eight months? It was not the answer I wanted or expected. A week, a month, at most, but eight months? It didn't seem possible; he must be mistaken.

For the last three years, I had been following God's call and pursuing a doctorate degree at Talbot Theological Seminary. In addition to my full-time studies, I worked at least fifty hours a week teaching, mentoring and advising students at a neighboring university, and running my own writing and editing business. Somewhere in the midst of that crazy schedule, I still found time to spend with my husband and run or hike 30 to 40 miles a week. Each day, I woke up pulsating with energy, ready to tackle the day and the ever-growing list of to-do items in my Franklin-Covey planner. I was fueled by my passion for learning, my love for students, and my commitment to communicate God's truth in ways that would be meaningful to others.

But in the last few months, I had grown weary. I was more than exhausted; I was tired straight down to the marrow in my bones. My passion was running dry and my patience and compassion for others waned. My relationship with God suffered. I couldn't hear his voice as clearly and or sense his presence as often. Sleep did not revitalize me and the old self-renewal tricks like weekend getaways and nature hikes did not restore me.

I was frustrated. There was no time to be tired. I wanted to be better, to be well. Now. There were projects to complete, classes to teach and take, people to meet with, and exciting opportunities to follow up on. At some point, I knew I had to stop, but the drive to achieve and the pressure to perform were practically irresistible. At the core, my problem was not simply biological, it was theological. I had forgotten, or rather, ignored my own finiteness. In all my bustling activity, I blew past my own limitations.

As any perusal in the local bookshop or a quick Google search will reveal, I am not alone in this struggle. Article after article and book after book are devoted to the topic of rest and whole industries have sprung up around relaxation techniques. But I am convinced that our cure lies not in simply adjusting our schedules or modifying our behaviors. Many of us, particularly those in leadership, struggle deeply with accepting the limitations of the human body or the limitations of what can be accomplished in a minute, an hour, a day, or even a life. In order to continue to lead well and minister effectively, we must remember who we are and who God is. As Psalm 86:10 reads, "For you are great and do wondrous deeds; you alone are God."

A full year has passed since that conversation with my advisor, and I never did get "back to normal." Instead, I learned to be content with a B+ rather than A+; to be satisfied with 4.5 miles a day rather than a full 5. I let a few opportunities pass by. I accepted practically what I had always known theologically: that ultimately, I am not the leader, but a finite follower.