Get Ready!
September 29, 2009 |
At a multi-generation women’s conference in Alaska where I was about to speak, an older woman leaned over and whispered in the ear of the young girl sitting next to her, “Get ready!”
The young girl’s eyes widened. “Why? Where are we going?”
The reply? “To the edge of your chair!”
No one ever whispered those words in my ear, but several years ago, quite unexpectedly I found myself on the edge of my chair too. I was listening to an academic lecture on the Old Testament Book of Ruth. The need for a warning, in both cases, was warranted—not to brace us for a nail-biting cliffhanger, but to alert us that what we were about to hear would forever change how we view ourselves and our mission in this world. We were about to be called into the big story God is weaving, in a bigger way than we ever imagined.
For generations the church has tended to look at the women in the Bible through the wrong end of the telescope. Guided by the assumption that God does his most important kingdom work through men, we’ve seen women’s lives in a diminished perspective and, as a result, our own lives have appeared smaller too.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 29, 2009 | Comments (3)
What Not to Wear--Part 2
September 25, 2009 |
I closed the book after the fourth chapter. I hugged my knees to my chest, rested my chin on my knees, and let out a long, heavy sigh. I sat, conflicted, on the oversized chair in our living room while my husband was upstairs asleep, my emotions fluctuating, oddly, between compassion and rage. If the battle really was ‘every man’s,’ then my husband was no exception, which, I concluded, left me with only two options. One (compassion): kneel—weeping—next to his bedside and beg God to deliver him from the temptations of a lust-provoking world; or two (rage): pick up the baseball bat (we keep one next to our bed) and start swinging. (Don’t worry. God was genius in his design of the human body to heal).
I’m kidding, of course, but this is the pendulum on which I swing when it comes to men, women, lust, and modesty—compassion for male hard-wiring that requires frustratingly painful diligence, and irritation that the latter is true. I share Tracey Bianchi’s conviction (part 1) that both sides have a part to play in working towards the common good. Men to do, well, whatever it is men do to keep their thought lives pure, and women to not carry ourselves in a way that leads a pastor to confess his roving eyes to an applause-filled congregation. As a leader who strives to build up the body, I take my choices about what to wear seriously.
But I have to tell you, recently I was forced to pick up my modesty box and shake it, flip it, and bang it against the wall a few times. The jolt came in an email from a woman who had seen me speak to a mixed-gender crowd. Here’s what she said:
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 25, 2009 | Comments (36)
Control Freaky
September 22, 2009 |
Last spring, after I was asked to consider running for the board at my kids’ school, I prayed this: God, you know how much I’d love to do this. But I just don’t have time to be president of a school board…..
Go ahead and roll your eyes. I’m sure God did too. Because, of course, no one was asking me to be president. They were asking me to consider a nomination to be a member. Quite a different thing. And yet, I know myself well: Once I get involved in something, I get involved. I don’t like loose affiliations or peripheries. I don’t like to dip a toe; I like to dive in. I don’t want to stand by; I want to stand out. I don’t want to a part; I want to in charge. Hence, my prayer.
For the longest time I credited this drive to be the one to set agendas and cast visions to my leadership gifts, but this ridiculous prayer opened my eyes to something else that goes on in my “gifted” brain. And it’s nothing short of a control freak tendency.
I never realized that’s what it was because, honestly, I’m not a control freak in most areas of my life. I don’t micro-manage my kids. Or my husband. Or my home. I don’t try to run my friends’ lives. I don’t hassle my neighbors. I don’t butt into everyone else’s business.
The problem is with my own business.
Continue reading...Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 22, 2009 | Comments (12)
Fame's Folly
September 18, 2009 |
According to many in the media, last weekend is being dubbed the “weekend of outbursts.” An athlete, a lawmaker, and a musician—three distinct persons in the public eye—lost their cool. Each one of them felt injustice inflicted on themselves or another. And they made their feelings known … to everyone.
Being in the public eye might have some perks, but the heat of scrutiny is not something I desire. When I have a meltdown—as we all do from time to time—it’s in the privacy of my own home. Nobody cares, except maybe my husband. But I do enjoy the freedom to have human moments and not feel the backlash of an entire nation wagging their tongues the next morning.
Why do these outbursts surprise us? When did we start assuming that celebrities are on a higher moral plane than the rest of us and won’t make petty mistakes?
Posted by Bonnie McMaken on September 18, 2009 | Comments (7)
Our Own Worst Enemy?
September 15, 2009 |
When I think of female rivalry, that is, rivalry between women, I think of Cinderella and her step-sisters. I think of the rivalry between Queen Elizabeth I and Mary Queen of Scots. I think of the escapades of the women on Wisteria Lane in Desperate Housewives. What I’ve rarely considered in recent years is how female rivalry impacts my growth and development as a woman leader.
In 1990, Carolyn Heilbrun, a Jewish American, wrote a provocative book entitled Reinventing Womanhood. In this book, she claimed that the number one reason women failed to achieve in leadership positions was not because men kept barring their way to progress in achievement, but rather because of the failure of women to bond. For Heilbrun, a few women inevitably rose to positions of power and leadership, but because of the failure of women to bond, these women became not woman leaders, but rather honorary men.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 15, 2009 | Comments (19)
The Motivation Behind Your Ministry
September 11, 2009 |
“I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul,” sang Toby Mac, Kirk Franklin and Mandisa from my boom box as I spent a week in the basement de-cluttering. His rap’s lyrics are a call to Christ followers to stay faithfully focused in our culture’s temptation to slowly defect. But goofy me, I had misheard the lyrics as, “I don’t want to change the whole world and lose my soul.” I perked up. My auditory failure turned out to be one more “ah-ha” in my recently awakened desire toward ministry leadership wholeness.
I tend toward being a 24/7 idea machine. I often feel desperate to connect others to church/world injustices. And I sort of half believe the phrase, “I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara I could save the world” (from curlygirldesign.com). But my tendencies were causing dis-ease, boundary-less focus and acid-reflux. And I painfully discovered my successes were feeding the needy areas of my heart.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 11, 2009 | Comments (8)
'Lord, Save Me From Myself'
September 8, 2009 |
As a child I often felt driven not only to succeed, but also to be noticed by my parents and my peers. I wanted others to see me as good enough, worthy and outstanding. As I grew older and became a Christian these drives didn’t disappear. They became christianized. I wanted to show my Heavenly Father that he should be glad he saved me, and that his grace was not poured on me in vain.
Sincerity was not the issue. Rather, self-consciousness and self-focus were. This bothered me because my sin and pride were tightly woven throughout. Once the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to this attitude, I wanted God to control this area of my life. So I prayed and read God’s Word for answers, but was still left with many questions.
Some Scriptures said to focus my ministry and my life on God and God alone. I agreed with those Scriptures. I pursued God and gave him the credit when he used me. Phrases such as, “It wasn’t me; it was Christ working through me,” and “Praise God, praise God” became frequent mantras. Sometimes, however, they sounded pious and insincere. Some people felt awkward when I used those phrases. I began to feel the same.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 8, 2009 | Comments (16)
Kyria: Chosen Women, Called to Influence
September 3, 2009 |
When a friend asked me recently what I knew about a certain ministry for children (that shall remain nameless), I sent back a scathing email about how much I hated it as a child. How ostracized I’d felt and how un-Jesus-y I found the whole thing to be, in hindsight. About five minutes later, however, I sent her back another email, apologizing. Because I realized after sending it that in my very cynical and strange walk of faith as a child, I never found a ministry that fit me—that ministered to who I was and what I liked to do. So, I told her, she probably she should ask someone else.
Fast forward to my life as a grown up: my view of many church ministries hasn’t changed much, frankly. I still find myself not fitting in to most places, I still feel like the misfit, and I still feel like I’m the only woman in the world who does not like crafts (though I know I’m not, since we’ve talked about this on this blog plenty before!). But it’s not only been in church ministries that I’ve felt this. So often, I’ve looked at the publications for Christian women and wondered who on earth they were for. What kind of woman reads (or watches) this? I’d ask.
Though every so often, something amazing happens: I come a resource that makes me say (to quote my 2-year-old), “Now we’re talkin’!” Which is what I thought when I first heard about GFL’s new sister site, KYRIA.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 3, 2009 | Comments (4)
Following Fearlessly When the Stakes Are Raised
September 1, 2009 |
Last month, after my husband declared his candidacy for State Rep, a man from church pulled me aside to ask if I was worried about how this would affect our family. “What with the dirt-digging on you guys and all,” he said.
When I said no and “rested" my case by asking him if he even knew the name of our current rep’s wife or kids (he didn’t even know the name of our current rep!), I meant it. I was not worried. Of all the things that stressed me about an impending campaign, an invasion of family privacy was not on the list.
For one reason: I expose my family for a living, essentially. Whether in my books (the one that’s out there or the one that’s coming), my blogs, magazine articles, or when I’m out speaking to women, I share my messy life (which includes my messy family) as openly and honestly as I can. While this is not to say I share every last juicy detail or share every private moment, I do try to drag as many skeletons out of the closet as possible. It’s the only thing I know to kill off those otherwise powerful skeletons. It’s the way I feel called to live. And it’s the way I feel called to lead as I encourage others to do the same.
And that’s been fine—great actually—for the kind of leadership I’ve experienced thus far. But this man’s question raised a new question for me: Would this type of “tell all” leadership always be appropriate? How would I know when to stop or pull back?
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 1, 2009 | Comments (7)
