Following Fearlessly When the Stakes Are Raised
September 1, 2009 |
Last month, after my husband declared his candidacy for State Rep, a man from church pulled me aside to ask if I was worried about how this would affect our family. “What with the dirt-digging on you guys and all,” he said.
When I said no and “rested" my case by asking him if he even knew the name of our current rep’s wife or kids (he didn’t even know the name of our current rep!), I meant it. I was not worried. Of all the things that stressed me about an impending campaign, an invasion of family privacy was not on the list.
For one reason: I expose my family for a living, essentially. Whether in my books (the one that’s out there or the one that’s coming), my blogs, magazine articles, or when I’m out speaking to women, I share my messy life (which includes my messy family) as openly and honestly as I can. While this is not to say I share every last juicy detail or share every private moment, I do try to drag as many skeletons out of the closet as possible. It’s the only thing I know to kill off those otherwise powerful skeletons. It’s the way I feel called to live. And it’s the way I feel called to lead as I encourage others to do the same.
And that’s been fine—great actually—for the kind of leadership I’ve experienced thus far. But this man’s question raised a new question for me: Would this type of “tell all” leadership always be appropriate? How would I know when to stop or pull back?
Because of this, that man’s question has stayed with me. And the more I’ve thought about it, the more worried I’ve become. One night as I reread a blog post I had written a while ago that was particularly rant-y and in which I seem particularly angry, I thought, Oh, this won’t be good….
And I started wondering what else I’ve written or said that might be taken out of context (or even within context) that could make me a “political liability.” I realized that if the campaign did get to that dirty awful place where opponents wanted to go digging for dirt, in my “ministry” I’ve essentially passed around our dirt for all the world to see. Pretty scary.
But before these worries got to full-blown fear, I stopped, took deep breaths, and prayed my go to prayer: “Help!” Almost immediately, I sensed a familiar Breeze waft through my panicky brain: Don’t be afraid.
The thing I love about that Breeze blowing around is that it also clears the cobwebs muck everything up. Because after that, I saw clearer. My husband and I—in our wildly different endeavors—commit ourselves as best we can to follow God’s call for our lives. I believe God’s called me to write and speak—often really raw honest and potentially embarrassing stuff. And my husband believes God’s called him to run this race—and to be as honest and honorable as he can. Thankfully, we also believe this about this other. And we seek to support and encourage each other where we can.
But still, questions remain. We may know where we’re called and what we’re to do, but at times it becomes increasingly difficult. Like the stakes have been raised. Maybe the plot has thickened.
So I feel like I need help: How do you follow God fearlessly during these “raised” and “thickened” seasons when it seems there is so much to fear?
Caryn Rivadeneira, managing editor of Gifted for Leadership, is author of Mama's Got a Fake I.D.: How to Reveal the Real You Behind All That Mom. She and her family live in the western suburbs of Chicago. Visit her at her blog or The Mommy Revolution blog.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on September 1, 2009
Comments
Oh, Caryn. Don't be quiet, just be wise. Take another minute to ask how someone might take what you've said. Maybe a slight rewording will remove their potential ammunition. Speak truth with grace. But living an authentic, vulnerable life, filled also with kindness, will disarm most critics.
Posted by: judy on September 2, 2009
When shepherding a Bible teacher, she asked me how she can talk about God's healing in her marriage without exposing their struggles or dishonoring her husband. I told her that I think we say as much as needed to let others know "we've been there" and then open ourselves up so that they can see the passion and conviction of Jesus' healing in our lives.
Sometimes our authentic expression of belief is enough for other women to know that we get it--that we understand where they are coming from because we've been there.
I'm often tempted to tell more than needed because I feel like it justifies my point about God, particularly in the areas of surrender and grace. But does God ever have to be justified...other than in the fruit of my love for Him?
Go forward in grace, Caryn. The wisdom of God is often foolishness to the world. I think being open and honest with our messy lives is a testament to the freedom we experience in Jesus.
Posted by: Nicole Unice on September 2, 2009
Mine is not in response to this article. It's more of I need help. I recently got married (less than 2 months) but feeling like I am not married to the right man. I feel cajoled and sort of I let God down. I have loved God all my life and expected I would marry a missionary or at least a ''God-chaser'' but lo it turned out not so. Pls help me on what to do. I feel not in the right home. Pls pray for God to have mercy on me and help me resolve the issue.
Posted by: jj on September 2, 2009
Like Judy (1st comment),I know Carin's way of writing about the things of life will always find strong rejection by some and fully acceptance and even identification by others.
We fully depend on Jesus and on His Spirit for everything He gives us to do.
Mainly through tough or thick 'seasons'.
Posted by: Lilia on September 4, 2009
Oh, JJ - hang in there girl. What you are experiencing is so incredibly normal - you are not alone in these dilemmas.
You *are* in the right home, because you have married your husband - regardless of whether this would have been God's leading or not, you are here now. And God will walk with you to help you honour your vows.
You are experiencing a type of grief - grief over the loss of a dream, an ideal, a hope. Let yourself experience your grief, but just remember to keep walking *through* the valley - don't set up camp there.
I would advise you to seek out a spiritual guide to help you work through these feelings - a good guide can really make a huge difference.
Take Care,
Cate
Posted by: Cate on September 9, 2009
My mom and I both liked this article, we've experienced the frightening prospect of being rejected when sharing our raw selves.
I believe as well, that when we expose our "skeletons", they have less power over us. That being said, you will have people that will judge you and tear you down for what you've exposed, but I think most wont (it's just that the ones that do can cause a lot of hurt). But then again, the people who judge have their own issues to work out between themselves and God. Plus, you need to remember that God loves you and that matters more than any other opinions.
Posted by: Liz on September 25, 2009
If your hunsband is led by the Lord to run for an office,He will guide what to say,how
to say and when to say.Just ask for His wisdom.
I would vote for him if he were in my state.
Regarding JJ,please let us all pray for her.
JJ this is ok.The first year of marriage is
tough very tough.Hang in there and trust Jesus every day for guidance.
Posted by: margo on October 3, 2009