The Books that Shape Us

Last week (on August 26) Women’s Equality Day—a day commemorating the contributions of the women’s suffrage movement—got a lot of news coverage. In our modern age with numerous nationally recognized female political figures, we may find it difficult to remember that less than 100 years ago, women could not even vote in the U.S. And yet, while we have made progress in attaining measures of equality in some areas such as the right to vote, at the same time women lag behind in many other areas.

Take, for example, the recent list that was propagated all over the Internet, entitled “Top Books Every Young Influencer/Leader Should Read?”. The question was posed by marketing consultants Daniel Decker and Jason Young, who sent it largely via Twitter to their followers and to other key influencers they knew, resulting in more than 200 responses from people who picked their top 5 choices.

As I scanned the list, I saw the typical business-management-leadership books that tend to top these kinds of surveys, such as Jim Collins’ Good to Great, as well as the names of prominent Christian leaders and thinkers such as Bill Hybels, John Maxwell, and C.S. Lewis. Newer books such as Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers made the list, as well as those considered time-management classics (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey.) I internally nodded at the choices, tweeted the list to others, and moved on with my day.

My more astute sisters in Christ, however, picked up on the fact that of the top 33 books that made the list, none were written by women.

While women authors write about leadership and management, they certainly don’t as extensively as men do—particularly not Christian women authors.

But I also think a big reason the list skewed largely male in terms of authorship is because the survey respondents were also likely male. I am guessing that if the same question were posed to a group of female Christian leaders, the responses would be different.

So, I want to put the same exact question out to you, the readers of the Gifted for Leadership blog: What are the books that have had significant impact on you and your leadership style? You can also think of question in this way: “Which books have had the most impact and influence in my own life as a female Christian leader?”

These books do not have to be leadership books per se; they do not have to be just non-fiction, or by Christian authors or even by female authors.

Please let your friends know about this survey, and let's see if we can get at least 200 responses ourselves. I’m fascinated to see what will emerge.

We look forward to your responses!

Same Message, Different Vehicle

In 1984, I wanted to be Sandra Day O’Conner, the first woman to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court. I wrote to her and tacked her signed picture on my bulletin board. She was a pioneer, and even as an eight-year-old, I revered the place she had made for herself in what I considered a man’s world. This month, Elena Kagan became the fourth woman to sit on the court. Of the nine justices on the court, three are now women.

The gender shift of the Supreme Court speaks to me about how much things have changed for women, even since my time of revering Sandra Day O’Conner. And I wonder, too, how this changing landscape affects the perspectives and needs of young people desiring to follow Jesus Christ—and how the church is responding.

As a 32-year-old leader, I spend a lot of time listening to people older than me argue about what they think people younger than me need or want. There is often a general lamenting of the exodus of young people from the church and the ways to bring them back. There is a sense that the young people just need to get in line with the Bible or “biblical worldview,” stop messing around and messing up their lives. Some of that might be true. But my perspective on this generation is a little different.

Here are three things I’ve found in working with young people:

1. They are confused.
Young people crave relationships with someone who will believe in them. This generation has a double-edged identity sword. On one side, they feel more capable of changing the world, but on the other, they are uncertain of their personal call. They have been told since they could crawl that they can “do anything” but they really don’t know what that “anything” is. Apathy serves as a mask for their paralysis about the dizzying array of choices before them and their inability to navigate it all. They want help sorting through those things.

Young women, particularly, deal with highly conflicted messages of womanhood that come from within and outside the church. They want a place that’s safe to talk openly about changing values and culture. Women in the church have an amazing opportunity to learn and grow from one another, if they will take the servant position of asking, desiring to understand, and responding with love, not judgment.

2. They are cynical.
They are wary of big programs and any kind of “system.” They may be slow to jump in to church or a volunteer position, because they want to trust the leadership before they give of themselves. They are likely to spread themselves out in many different areas (look at social media as an example!), and might want to commit to a “project” rather than a position. They want honesty from their leaders, because they know that is the only true thing in life—and building that trust takes time. They want that relational buy-in before they serve.

3. They need the church.
Young people demand honesty and relationship before they commit. They want authentic community that will believe in them and model being the change in the world, not just talk about it. Sure, this is a demanding call. But it shouldn’t be surprising. Why would we expect to nurture and care for young people with a program, when what they need is a person?

As women leaders in the church, we must listen to the Spirit’s guidance. We must tap into what we know to be true of our own hearts and growth regardless of program offerings of events we currently offer.

Whether one or one thousand young women attend our church, we need to come with hearts that are open to receive, to understand the landscape of their culture and their spirituality. Rather than having answers, we need to ask questions. Where do they find life? What has their previous experience with church been? How do they experience community within (or outside) the walls of this church? What would help them find purpose as a Christ-follower? What kinds of things appeal to them, and even more importantly, what doesn’t?

Perhaps what worked for me as a young person won’t work for them. But it’s not because the gospel has changed—but maybe the vehicle has. This has little to do with doctrine or theology—it has everything to do with the vehicle. I don’t think young people leave the church because they don’t need Christ. I think they leave the church because they’ve found it to be a place that isn’t realistic for their lives. The culture for women has changed rapidly. And we, as women leaders, must respond with flexibility and openness to change.

Am I the only one dealing with this? Do you shepherd young women, particularly those who are single and newly launched into adulthood? Are they at your church? If so, what works? What doesn’t?

Ornamental or Instrumental?

I’d been mindlessly flipping through cable channels when I caught a quick glimpse of TV hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly bursting through the doors of an ornate cathedral, followed by a choir singing The Hallelujah Chorus. When my Spidey senses warned me that something was not right, against my better judgment, I lingered.

A young priest, at the front of the sanctuary, was addressing a packed congregation. Though twenty-seven year old Rev. Emily Bloemker had been told that she was speaking to a crowd gathered to fighting extreme poverty—which made me like her immediately—she was actually being featured on the show What Not To Wear and being given $5,000 to go shopping.

Absurd, right?

The big idea of What Not To Wear is that some unsuspecting person, who’s been turned in to the fashion police by someone “who cares,” is humiliated on national TV for wearing last decade’s styles or baggy oversized clothes that are really comfortable. The premise of the show, reflecting what is true of our culture, is that bodies are made to be viewed.

Rather than treating bodies as instrumental, made to actually do stuff, our culture views bodies as ornamental. They’re made for the visual enjoyment of others. To this end, Stacy and Clinton go to an awful lot of trouble to shame victims into looking more attractive for others. Sure, they’ll frame it all kinds of ways, like “having some self-respect” or “treating yourself well” but the bottom line is that we sort of owe it to others to give them something scrumptious upon which to gaze.

We expect this from “reality” cable TV, but it should be different in the church, right?

On most Sunday mornings, in the New Jersey congregation where my 6’5” husband cloaked in a huge black robe served, he stood beside petite senior pastor L’Anni, at 5’4”, draped in a lightweight white alb. They were totally Darth Vader and Princes Leah.

L’Anni wore that white Leah robe for one reason. When she didn’t wear it, many of the comments she received as people filed out of the sanctuary after worship would be about her outfit. As a former robe-wearer myself, I can confirm that this situation actually exists. When the outfit is cloaked, the hair becomes the hot topic of conversation. As I make a mental note to knit some liturgical headwear, I’m forced to wonder if this might not be the reason Paul admonished first century women to keep their heads covered in church. I want to believe it.

We’re in a weird pickle, aren’t we? We don’t really want to be scolded for looking plain, and neither are we thrilled when people’s response to the preaching of the word is, “I love your dress.”

There’s got to be a better way.

Although the Church hasn’t yet offered a compelling expression of bodily discipleship, I am clear that it won’t be achieved by the vote of any ecclesial governing body. Rather, transformation happens as regular women, like you and me and Emily and our friends and neighbors, live into the truth that these bodies were given for relationship with others.

This better way finds expression when we use our eyes and face to reflect the irrefutable worth of another human being who needs to know she matters. It happens when we use our lips to preach the word. It happens when our ears listen really well to someone who hasn’t yet been heard. We agree with God’s valuing of these bodies when we take an infant, or adult, in our arms and pour God’s life-giving waters over him or her. We live into a holy truth when we break bread, and pour wine, and offer gifts to the famished ones God loves. We do it when we kneel to pray and then stand to serve God’s people. We do it, from wheelchairs and hospital beds, when, resting on firm and squishy butts, we pray for others.

Here’s the beauty: other women are liberated from our culture’s nutty enslavement to striving for physical perfection as they set their eyes on other women, like you and like me, using our bodies to be in relationship with God and others. When we don’t go on and on about our particular aesthetic faux pas or how tight our jeans are since the holidays or what we wish we could change about our appearance, we bear witness to a new life-giving way.

As we live into truth, both our bodies and the bodies of others are liberated from being viewed as objects to become the agents of the kingdom. See how that’s a win-win? Suddenly, whether we’re wearing a feminine peach clerical shirt to visit the hospital or grungy jeans to work in the community garden, or vice versa, becomes almost entirely irrelevant.

Thanks be to God.

Our Place in the Rest of the Story

For the past few years Synergy has been turning the pages of God’s remarkable story of his plans for his daughters. Annual conferences have explored:

Your Place in the Story: The Return of the Ezer
Your Relationships in the Story: Defining the Blessed Alliance
Conflict in the Story: The Shaping of a Leader’s Soul

And on March 4-6, 2011 in Orlando the next chapter unfolds: The Rest of the Story: From Here to Eternity. You see, the Story isn’t finished. As God’s image bearers, we have work to do. As members of his Church, we have an invitation from God himself to serve, to make a difference.

Globalization, advancing technology, and seismic cultural shifts mean yesterday and tomorrow won’t look the same. The world is changing even at this moment.

The road ahead will not be smooth, but God is working to take us deeper and strengthen the Blessed Alliance between his sons and daughters.

Synergy2011 focuses on the Kingdom challenges and opportunities we see on the 21st Century horizon. We want to be informed and equipped to invest ourselves and our gifts where they are needed most. We’ll also focus on the solid hope that keeps us going no matter how daunting the mission, how fierce the conflict, or how many setbacks and defeats we suffer. We’ve already read the final chapter.

A powerful line-up of speakers will help us to explore new realities in our world today and God’s call to women to enter fully into those opportunities:

Sheryl WuDunn, co-author of Half the Sky
Andy Crouch, author of Culture Making
Nikki-Toyama-Szeto, Urbana Program Director
Carolyn Custis James, author and Synergy President

Come join us as we consider “The Rest of the Story”! You will not be the same after this year's conference! Save the dates & help us spread the word-- this is one conference you won't want to miss!

Synergy2011 also features ministry-forging workshops by national leaders that cover areas of interest for you and your team.

Learn more about Synergy2011 and our speakers at Synergy Today.

Parting Ways

I have friends all over the world, literally. I separated from Marine Corps active duty in 2008 and was honorably discharged from the reserves this year. Today, my dear friends from the military are populating the entire East Coast, California, Japan, Iraq, and Afghanistan just to name a few locations. Despite these once intimate connections, there have been times when some of the relationships have unexpectedly turned for the worst. I have been left with a frown on my face, a question mark in my head, and a bruise on my heart.

What’s worse is that the church is not exempt from wounding our own warriors. Particularly in women’s ministry, the tragedy can occur by a woman who has been hurt or offended, so she inflicts her pain onto others. Recently, I saw this manifest with the woman leader whose pain makes her territorial, keeping her from allowing anyone else to come in with skills, giftedness, and ideas concerning her ministry.

The reality of these tragedies brought me to the Book of Acts, where I dissected Paul’s relationship with Barnabus. We watched for several chapters as these men encouraged one another, ministered along side each other, traveled together, discipled believers, suffered persecution, and brought many to the knowledge of Christ. As a matter of fact, God set them apart specifically to minister in this capacity (v 13:2). Then BOOM, at the end of Chapter 15 they have a huge disagreement and part ways.

There are a few things that I observed about this disagreement that are critical to understanding the situation:

1. They were both godly people. We know that Paul was God’s chosen man to bring the gospel to the Gentiles. The bible describes Barnabus as, “a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith” (v 11:24) and one who brought several people to the Lord. Paul and Barnabus were not only good men; they were strong godly men who had kingdom work as their priority. One did not intend to do the other harm.

2. They were in agreement concerning the issue. Both Paul and Barnabus agreed to visit the churches where they had previously ministered to see how the brothers were doing. Their desire and focus were exactly the same.

3. The division was a result of “how” to go about accomplishing the mission at hand. Isn’t that often the case? We may all agree about what to do, but not how to do it. Barnabus wanted to take John; Paul wanted to take Silas. As far as we know in the Scripture, this was certainly the end of their ministry together, and might have even been the end of their relationship.

There is wisdom in these short passages concerning our friendships:

1. It is important to discern the healthiness of a relationship, and whether or not God is drawing it to a close. I have heard it said that we get into trouble when trying to turn “seasonal” people into life-long partnerships. In other words, God places certain people in your life for a season (it may be a short or lengthy period of time); however, it was not God’s intention for the relationship to be a long-term or permanent one. Yet, because we love a person, have become attached, and value the relationship, we do not want to let go, even when it is clear that we should do so.

In different situation, a friend may simply be disagreeable. We are called to live in peace with each other, and if that is not possible, we may have a good cause to part ways.

2. If you must part ways with a friend, do not sin in your anger. This is a tough one because we all have a strong desire to be vindicated. Yet, we are emotional people and sometimes can become bitter, yield to the desire to tell our side of the story, and thereby cause division among friends. We do not have evidence that Barnabus or Paul did those things. I think that Paul could not have ministered as effectively as he did after this disagreement, had he harbored bitterness and resentment in his heart against Barnabus. When placed in a disbanding situation with a friend, I encourage you to speak the truth in love, then remain silent concerning the issue or only speak words that will uplift your friend, and finally, make a clean break.

It is tough to follow these lessons because a period of grieving is sure to follow if you make the tough decision to part ways. Unfortunately, these lessons could also result in rumors and untruths circulating about you. However, take comfort in knowing that if your friend meant evil against you, God will know it. If you have done the right thing, God will know that too.

Have you experienced a significant loss of a friendship, and wondered to yourself, What happened?