Are Churches Leading the Way in Preventing Child Abuse?

Thirty-some years ago, someone I love was sexually abused by a trusted adult. Although this incident occurred when we were kids, time has done nothing to heal my friend. All it's done is stolen peace, freedom, and wholeness from him. Harboring hatred has a way of eating away at one's soul.

Child abusers are the most reviled people on the planet. Even hardened criminals view child molesters with particular disdain. And so did I. For years I harbored a deep hatred toward the perpetrator who violated my friend in an unthinkable way.

But then over the course of the last few years, I started to wonder whether all my righteous anger was really just a way for me to withhold forgiveness from someone who most certainly didn't deserve it. Could the blood of Christ cover someone as horrible as a pedophile? And if it could, would I ever bring myself to say to the worst of the worst—child abusers—you, yes even you, are saved by grace!

Questions like these are what drove me to spearhead a research project last year for Christianity Today. For nine months, I delved into the dark world of sex offenders. We conducted a national survey to find out what church leaders think about sex offenders—whether they should be integrated into congregations in a compassionate way, and if so, how they do this so no one is put in harm's way. Sex Offenders in the Pew, the Christianity Today story that grew out of the research, looked at how many churches have registered sex offenders attending their services and what they are doing to safely integrate these individuals into the congregation.

In interviewing people like Craig, a former registered sex offender (he violated his pre-adolescent daughter and her friend), my heart was filled with compassion for his struggle and the regret he feels over wrongs he can't ever make right. At the same time I am sickened by people like him who exploit kids.

I applaud churches that are fighting against this natural repulsion and instead reaching out to people like Craig—men and women who have committed terrible crimes against children. It's a hard calling.

The world's a dangerous place—I know this to be true. And sadly, church isn't always a safe haven for our most vulnerable members. But as leaders, we have an opportunity to change that.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention month. We have a library of resources—downloads, quizzes, training programs—to help you keep your ministry safe.

What's your church doing to keep kids safe? Are you finding safe ways to minister to people with sexual offenses on their record? If so, please comment so we can learn from each other.

Marian V. Liautaud is managing editor of GiftedforLeadership.com and an editor for the Church Management team at Christianity Today International.

Lost Leaders

A couple of years ago a leadership mentor challenged me with a tough statement. She said, "Jenni, how you steward your influence as a leader will directly impact the rest of the women in your church." That statement has haunted me ever since.

I'm ashamed to admit that up until that conversation, my leadership had been very me-centric. I was worried about me instead of being intentional about developing other leaders, especially the young women leaders around me. In fact, I wasn't even sure who the young women leaders were in our church. There were hundreds of 20- to 30-something women coming in and out of our doors each week, but I was seeing very few of them lead.

I knew it wasn't because they didn't have the potential. Statistics tell us that there are more single women in the U.S. than married, and those who do marry wait until age 30, on average, to do so. Women also are more educated than ever before.

I also learned by way of conversations and observations that many of the single women in our church were serving at local non-profits and other organizations throughout our city. They want to serve; they have time to serve. But their volunteer and leadership horsepower wasn't being put to use in the church. Why?

Simply put, we hadn't made it obvious that there was a place for them to serve in the church. And I, as a female leader in our church, hadn't made a way for them. If you had asked me, I would have said, "Of course we have places for women to volunteer as leaders." But we hadn't made these opportunities obvious to today's up-and-coming women leaders whose lives look a lot different from their predecessors at church. We hadn't adjusted our communication and our volunteer opportunities to the shifts that have taken place in the lives of these young women.

I started to look for ways to actively engage their gifts and strengths. I began to realize that if we didn't engage them, we'd lose them. How about your church? Have you found effective ways to build relationships with younger women who possess skills, passion, and time to invest in the church? Here are some questions to help you evaluate whether you're making a way for them to lead at your church:

• Where do women most visibly serve in your church? The cafe, the nursery? How about production, on stage, on leadership teams?

• What percentage of your key leaders are women?

• When do you offer women's groups and at what times? Are they mostly during the day and targeted to moms? Or do you have evening groups and subjects that connect with professional women and singles?

• If you were a single, professional young woman would you be able to easily identify where you fit inside your church?

As women leaders, I challenge you to consider how you can actively engage today's young women to be a part of your ministry. How we steward our influence directly affects them, and they're depending on us!

Jenni Catron serves as the Executive Director of Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN, where she leads a staff of 30 at 4 campuses. She loves a fabulous cup of tea, great books, learning the game of tennis and hanging out with her husband and border collie. Jenni's passion is to lead well and to inspire, equip and encourage other women to do the same. That passion drove Jenni to start the women's leadership community, Cultivate Her. Jenni blogs there and at www.jennicatron.tv.

Why I’m Giving Up Prayer for Lent

I've been thinking a lot about Lent this year and wondering how best to walk through the next seven weeks. I know people who are giving up Twitter, chocolate, and a long list of self-indulgent or addictive activities and foods.

Yet as a leader, I recognize that one of the areas that I need to always continue to grow in is my dependence on God throughout ever day. In the hustle and bustle of activity and long list of demands, I need to be relying on God more intentionally.

As I've reflected, I've decided to give up prayer for Lent. Okay, maybe not all prayer, but lengthy prayers in my personal time with God. I recently heard a sermon by our friend, Jay, which highlighted the importance of praying simple but potent prayers. As I've been mulling over this concept, I realize how mindless I've become in my own prayer life. Yes, I feel free to express every desire, whim, ache and need to God--which is a good thing!--except that at times my prayers sound like a gushing four-year-old who talks in an eternal run on sentence. I realize that over time I've been increasingly unspecific and unattentive in my prayer life.

That's why I'm giving up prayer for Lent. Or at least long prayers. For the next 40 days, I'm committed to only offering God three word prayers.

Help me Lord. Heal oh Jesus. Give grace abundant. Grant strength now. Thank you, God.

I'm hopeful the discipline will help me be more thoughtful in my prayer, more strategic in the things I ask God, more focused on Jesus, more ready to listen, more prepared to unleash heartfelt worship and gratitude on Easter morning.

As a leader, how are you preparing your own heart during this season of Lent?

Should Women Lead in the Church?

Out of Ur, a Gifted for Leadership sister site at Christianity Today, features three videos of church leaders sharing their perspectives on women in leadership in the church.
First, Rose Madrid-Swetman, who co-pastors a church with her husband, discusses how we're missing out on half of what God has to say when women aren't allowed to lead. Part 2 features Bill Kynes of the Gospel Coalition, who unpacks his perspective on why women shouldn't be elders. In Part 3, theologian N.T. Wright gives a biblical case for the full inclusion of women in the orders of the church.

What are your thoughts on the issues presented in these videos? What are constructive ways to respond when these kinds of questions about women in leadership arise?

Let's engage in an honest, respectful dialogue and learn from each other. To see what Out of Ur readers are saying, click on the links on each person's name above.

Too Famous?

Last week two high school girls skipped over to me and announced with smiles, "We want a small group, and we want you to lead it!" There's nothing I love more than being with faithful and available students who want to grow in their relationship with God. But something strange happened in my heart at that moment, something I've been wrestling with for several months. My heart said, turn them down.

It wasn't about those two girls; it was about a bigger problem: feeling too famous. When I say famous, I mean "known." When you stand in front of people for a living, when you lead in a church, when you write, you open yourself up to many potential relationships, and I'm bewildered at how to prioritize who and what gets my time.

The holy desire to work in ministry mixes with the intoxicating temptation to be needed. The combination of the two means I say yes more than I say no. That I squeeze in one more appointment, one more late night conversation, one more new relationship. But when I want to hide more than I want to connect, I know I've exceeded my limits and abilities, and that's dangerous ground.

Here's what I'm learning about managing my capacity:

Find your uniqueness
When I think about what to say yes to, I try to remember what it is that I'm uniquely qualified to do. For instance, my background is in counseling. If I have to choose between making time for a family crisis meeting or taking a high school student to coffee, I will choose the family crisis meeting. I have other volunteers who can make the coffee date, but I'm the only one uniquely qualified for the crisis meeting. When I remember what I can do that others can't, it's easier to figure out my choices.

Perspective
I am not good at making relational choices. I tend to err on the side of over-committing. I'm often too close to a situation to make a good choice. I need my husband and close friends walking alongside me, asking the good questions that help me take a few steps back and view the situation from another vantage point. With their help, I can establish parameters for my time and relationships.

Have boundaries, and break them
Good leaders have good boundaries. They guard Sabbath, they spend time with God. They make space for their families. But Jesus was in the habit of having boundaries—and breaking them. (See Matthew 14.) I recently had a day packed with time-sensitive tasks. My pastor called me into his office. "A student at a nearby high school died suddenly. They weren't regular attenders of our church, but I feel like we should offer to help with the student vigil tonight." He gave me the opportunity to stay behind and finish up my tasks, but I sensed I should go. I spent the next six hours buying candles and note cards, comforting students and being available as a minister of the good news of Christ. I missed dinner and I had to arrange for others to pick up my children, but it was the right choice.

Don’t wait for it to feel good
Back in the hallway last week with those two high school girls, I knew that "no" had to be my answer. I turned to a new volunteer standing close by. "Becky, come meet these girls!" I placed my new leader in front, and I stepped back. Becky is an incredible volunteer with the willingness and heart to shepherd these students. Knowing there's someone else who can mentor these girls, you'd think I'd feel good about this decision. But there's a layer of sadness. I felt like I disappointed them. I won't be their mentor; I won't walk with them through their spiritual journey. Nonetheless, I know I made the right choice, even though it's still hard. With decisions like these, I can't rely on feeling good to determine the best course of action.

These are small steps, and I stumble more than I succeed. What are your tips for leaders who feel too famous?

Nicole Unice, a contributing editor for Gifted for Leadership, has decided to accept her status as a wrestler with God. Between raising her kids and working in Family and Student Ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA, Nicole likes to write and teach on the intersection of God's word and modern life. Her first book, The Divine Pursuit: A Study of Jonah, released in Fall 2010. You can find her blogging at The Stubborn Servant.